Im not a huge fan of guns, havent shot a gun since i was 18-20 or so...

but the following has occured in the alley behind my work, where i often am left working until 10pm-1am sometimes.

I work downtown in Denver, in warehouse district, there is a passthrough alley, single lane behind the warehouses.

Its where all the riff raff travels around the city.

1. two homeless dudes were on drugs arguing and one stabbed the other to death

2. a homeless guy was asked to leave the area behind my neightbor across the streets storage units, he left, came back and set all of his own belongings on fire next to the antique storage units (antique stores there) and burned tons of antiques right next to residences above the area..

3. dudes taking shits and pissing on the fences in some sort of marking territory situation.

4. fire truck called for homeless guy getting stuck trying to break into neighboring business.

5. when i was leaving one night around 11:30 on a friday. a guy was walking down the alley about 50 yards out, normal pace.. i decided to close my gates slow as fuck to let him pass by and give myself space, as the gates are 25' deep. i took forever and he never passed by so i figured he turned around, i walked back up closed and latched the gate, and he was walking in front of my car, SLOOOWWWW... so i decided as i got into my car to put it in drive as go as i was closing my door, as my car unlocks all doors when i touch the handle.. as i was pulling off he reached for my car door, came up short and just kept walking.

6. last week, i was here alone per usual, luckily my co worker locked my into the building.. i went to take a shit and heard water running, i checked all water sources, nothing, go to takea as shit, hear it louder and figure its the outside parking lot spout. it was, it was on full blast and tucked into the drain hole in the corner of the lot. I went back in and watched cameras, and a guy appearing to be on drugs, came into the lot, walked up to our back door, tried to get it open, then went to leave, saw the hose came back, turned it on tucked it in the drain and left.

so 6 strikes is enough for me... i have pepper spray here and in my car, but a drugged up asshole probably just gonna get pissed off if i spray him.

so i decided to buy a gun. the process wont be short. i been researching and learning for a week now. talking to friends with guns, hit up 2 gun stores this weekend, i have tiny little bitch hands, and i plan to never shoot it, hit the range once a month to stay comfortable, and thats it.. so i dont need anything special.

So im looking at the Glock 43x, Glock 19, a Kanik forget the model, a Sig forget the model, and a Glock 48.

so far the smaller 43x is my leading choice. cheap, easy to use, more recoil than some nicer models, I also have a buddy in Ohio who has 3 43x and 2 he never even shot, there was a Glock days at his local shop, got hella free stuff and a dumb good deal, so he got a few.. so if i buy one of those, ill potentailly have 2 of the same gun for price of one as he will give me one of his..

I am open to new thoughts, perspectives and ideas...

i do realize now that guns are like cars, everyone has preferences, brand loyalty, or just "likes what they like"

so everything with a grain of salt.

I also hear glock isnt as picky as other guns toss it in mud and itll fire still, etc..

if anyone has any input, i am happy to consider..

Its on Moosehead lake. Its remote, the town is cosy, not a single chain business in the town, closest walmart is 90 minutes, not a single starbucks, mcdonalds, nothing, its incredible.

This is a drone view of the land from above. fully wooded, the cleared part in the middle was cleared by a previous owner o open a view of the lake from a home. so I will be building in the lower left corner of that clearing.

this is the view of the lake from the drone, the land view is directly below this.

this is the model we are building i think they are doing the same, just changing colors and some minor details.

there is a ski mountain that JUST reopened last year across the street maybe 500 yards south, so it appears during ski season we can rent for about $800-900/nt, and right now about $400/nt. so we will rent it most of the year and I will spend maybe 2 months a year there, maybe try to do xmas there as a family or something.

The site that sells the house plans offers building estimates based on zip code, they project $370k, looking it over i think i can get it down to $300k if I do a bit of the general contractor work myself and just pay a project manager $20k instead of a GC $50-60k to handle it all.

I also wouldnt mind wiring it myself, i dont do plumbing, electrical is easy, i have done my garages, my basement from scratch, and 2 of the retail stores at work.

I dont know if i can time getting up there exactly when its needed and take 2-3 days off work in that perfect window, So we will see.

Dealing with the contractors and subs there is interesting, like there are nice honest locals id love to hire, but theyve seen the boom in new homes coming to the area, and realize people are coming from expensive places, and jacking up prices..

For example, driveway guy, (currently just a ditch off the road, so need culvert pipe, etc) quoted us $15,000 for a 80 ft gravel driveway.. we go a quote for $5-6k, went back to him and he agreed to do it for $3,000-3500. so I have a feeling im going to have to do that for every single sub i use, grading, foundation, framing, plumbing, etc etc etc.. which is a nightmare and a hassle, but we have the benefit of doing identical homes at the same time 200 yards away from each other. so double the work/pay and half the travel for double the work.

The other oddity is licensing and everything, we arent in Greenville, but the township office are in greenville and run by greenville, so everyone we talk to gives us answers for greenville, and we ask if that is the same outside of greenville, and they say yes, and we ask who is issuing the license, they say greenville, and we say well we arent in greenville, and then we dont need the license at all half the time... like for the driveway.. its a shit show.

They have rules on splitting land, can split land 1 time every 5 years.. so we have to wait to 5 years to split it. it prevent someone from buying 20 acres and building 40 1/2 acre homes on it in a year. so i can dig that..

There is a train track near the water it runs twice a day, like 11am and 5-6pm, for a logging company like 50 miles north of there. when they are done and they decomission the track, the easement defaults to our ownership and we can remove it, i think thats projected 6-7 years out.

anyone built from scratch before? any advice or ideas? things to think about?

im planning on going overboard on power at the box so i can go nuts with outlets and never have issues tripping breakers, sadly no gas, so doing propane tank buried in the yard, septic tank and well water is also the only options.. essentially everything i grew up with in warren county ohio from age 8-21, so nothing too new there.

pretty excited about it, need to work out a build loan so we can get started, probably in the spring, sadly, a little late to get too much rolling right now.

in early january it gets a high of like -10 degrees for a week or two.. so you wont catch my ass up there in january..

moose everywhere. local food is wonderful, people are nice, such a relaxing place to be. Visited 5 times so far since buying the land and twice before buying it.

And @AmishBengalFan dont forget to set your rooster back. 😄

pneumonia 

20 years ago when I got my drivers license at the age of 16 the first thing I did was buy a ticket to a Bengals game.  Living in Louisville I was close to the games but not close enough. So when I got my license I was like I can go to games now because I'll just drive myself. It's crazy to think now about back then. How my mom just let her 16 year old son drive a hour and half away to some strange enormous city all by himself. But that was 20 years ago. Things were different. My nephew is 17 now and their is no way anyone would let him do something like that today.  

That first season that I had my drivers license I bought a single game ticket to every home game. Sunday morning I would drive up there all by myself and be there all day alone. Well with 50k+ other people who I didn't know one of.  Sometimes I'd go up there without a ticket and get one from a scalper.   I always parked for free on the Kentucky side by the Burger King. In that big vacant lot by the bridge. These days if you parked there your catalytic converter would be gone when you got back.  Sometimes I would get 2 tickets to a game so I could take a buddy but that was rare. Being a millennial, most of my friends didn't even have a job much less the money to pay for a ticket to Bengals game. Back then I was on the football team, had a job bussing tables and in the summers I worked full time landscaping. I did this for 3 seasons. Then I went off to Paris Island. Only been back a few times since. 

Great voice, great actor, rare EGOT recipient. He will be missed.

Her sister's house got hit, but survived, while a neighbor's house was demolished.

Here's footage of one of the tornadoes. Insane how quickly these things can move...

I am going to be recording my son playing basketball this winter, his college records and streams on the conference tv channel and app for free, BUT, they all use HUDL cameras and they suck ass.

So for purposes of having good clear clean film of him for potential transfer options, I gotta record myself.

I bought the PIX4TEAMS 2 auto-follow action unit that auto follows the ball and gameplay, so i wont have to be a cameraman and can just enjoy my sons games while im there.

I will be likely paying someone to do any editing.

So that comes to the camera. i dont want to tinker with zoom too much aside form setting it up initially to record pre-game. So i was thinking 4k, or 5k-8k camera may be ideal, so if im in the middle or top of the stands, i may want close up videos, so im THINKING if i had 4k, 5k, or 8k i could digital zoom in after the fact, is that logical?

I want something within a reasonable price, that will keep up with basketball action from a small distance and be clear enough to do what im thinking with zooming in after the fact?

any thoughts or ideas welcome. I own a few 4k gopros.

Here is what the batch currently is, and then what i want it to be.

problem is an ingredient was missing from the original.

these are all Milliliters. the first number column is per 100ML bottle. the second is whats currently in the 20L batches.

no PG is in the top batch, and its mixture was an old recipe.

whats the final batch size need to be to make the percentages and recipe from the top batch equal to the percentages in the bottom one.

This summer we were invited to take a trip to London with a basketball club from around the US who got 6 kids from all states to join and go play the top 18U(18 or under age) teams in london. So its an 8 day trip, we added 3 on the end for a little vacation break. If youre gonna fly 9 hrs, may as well make it count)

The trip is for 18's who wanna play college and wanna play pro overseas to go see what Competition in the UK looks like. 

This was possibly the best decision we have ever made, aside from joining his AAU coach 5 years ago who changed his life.

Day one, we flew out from Denver to Heathrow, left at 6:30pm, landed in london at 11:30am the following day, with the +7 hour time change.

The bus situation for families to meet up and get to hotel was messy as youd expect flights coming from everywhere, we finally collect everyone, and leave for the Hotel, its 90 minutes away, its a private charter bus, so its comfy at least. The driver hits his max hours without a break so we had to detour to a rest stop for the driver to sit for 30 minutes and not be driving. so get to the hotel around 4:30, they catered lunch from the hotel at 1pm, when we were supposed to arrive, so the food was terrible and old. stayed up until 9-10pm and passed out. 

Day two, wakeup 6:30am, breakfast at 7:15, in hotel so eggs ham (not bacon you liars from England) potatos, beans of course.

Head to University of East London Sportsdock for practice for first time together. 3 hr practice, most intense practice i have ever seen. Was great for everyone, finish up there, Lunch from Carribian spot catered, probably would ahve been great fresh, but they arrived early and practice ran late, so once again, hour+ old food, chicken, mac, veggies, was ok, ubt old and cold. After lunch we all cleaned up and went to London for a open top bus tour, which was actually pretty cool. then they leave you in london to do whatever you want, we grabbed dinner at a local quick burger spot called crispies, was pretty good, then hit hotel, stayed up till 9=-sh and then passed out.

Day 3, Same morning routine, then off to first Game at UEL Sportsdock vs the City of London Academy. This was a fun game, great team, my son played great, won 91-82, my son was 2/3 on free throws, 1/2 on 2 pt shots, and 4/8 from 3 point range, had 16 points. 1 rebound, 2 steals.

after game, back to hotel for catered lunch, same chicken sandwiches and stuff from first day, slightly fresher, still mediocre, then train to Little Venice for a canal cruise to the Camden marketplace. Camden is incredible its a great food market, plus shops pluf flea market, spent a few hours fucking around there, hit a pug for chicken sandwiched and burgers and fries, was good as hell, then headed to subway to get back, got on wrong train because their system is fucking stupid, get off get back on right way, make it to hotel, wind down for night same as usual.

Day 4,  Get up breakfast, then take charter bus to the Totengham Hot Spurs stadium, which is incredible, do a full tour, it was a ton of fun, then on our own for lunch, start walking, accidentally go into a Mob front for food, realize our mistake and head out, walk other direction, realize we have like 25 minutes to get food, the options are a pub and a dominos, the pub is packed, no way we are getting food in that time, so we go into dominos, which was incredible, and nothing like dominos in the states, as they cant use the horrible chemicals we can in the US, shit was incredible. then meet back up with team at bus, and head to game vs the London Stars, this is our first dose of Hoop culture in its natural invironment, the fans have drums, horns, scream and yell, its like a wild overseas soccer match. (if you want a wild pic, search "serbian basketbal lflames" and youll see what iwld shit goes on in serbia at just normal hoops games. Fun game, my son plays well, hits a 40 ft buzzer beater at the end of a Qtr, hits one other 3, only goes 2/9 from 3 but 3 of those were shotclock heaves when the plays broke down. so real world 2/6, not terrible. head back to hotel, on our own for dinner, got local italian food, was solid. won by 30-ish points in that game.

Day 5, we head to Brighton, about 90 minutes from us, its raining so we skip the beach and do the Lanes which is just alleys and alleys and roads of shops and food, incredible area, meet up at 1pm for lunch at itialian spot, best food of the trip by far, then head to Sussex for game 3. This is the top team in london, they kicked our ass by 40, BUT, since we had 6 players, we had 2 locals join us to subs and depth, and one of them is from the Sussex Storm team, so we lost him and he played against us, and his replacement was terrible, no chemistry with team and a ball hog and a bad shot and lots of turnovers. My son played well, had 15 points, 1/2 free throws, 1/2 from 2pt, and 4/11 from 3, again was chucking threes at the end since they were down 40, was 4/7 to start, last 4 heaves didnt connect. you can tell the 4 days straight of intense hoops is catching up to the players. still crazy fun, made some friends, great time. there were about 100 fans in attendance, maybe 200, biggest crowd at a hoops game my kids played in. 

Day 6, freetime until 3pm for game, vs Barking Abbey, a great team, had a 7+ footer 16 yr old palying up on the team, he wasnt good, but he had 6 blocks, maybe 6 points, he should ahve had 40.  son shot poorly, 0/7 from 3, 0 points, had 2 steals, 2 assists, 2 rebounds, he was toast, a few players were, some airballs from guys, they were spent. lost by 7, with a days rest id bet we could have won that game. but the W/L doesnt matter so fun for all. Team dinner at japanese spot, was ok. 

Day 7, We rested, ate food, peeped the riverwalk area nearby, really just recouped from the 5 days of intense hoops.

Day 8, everyone else leaft, we went to rec center for son to get his workouts in, was a 1.5 mile walk to and from. rested some more, saw local sights, nothing special, just enjoyed being in the Dockside area. went to Movie and dinner at the O2 arena, good stuff.

Day 9 went to tour the Tower of London, which was incredible, we did about 3 hours, hit the hot spots, but that tour could easily be 6-8 hours if you detailed view it all, hit a local BBQ spot downtown london, had random bbq foods, all great, i am finishing up being sick as hell, all the rain and moisture i got a sinus infection, was brutal. hit hotel like 7pm, chil for night.

Day 10, son works out, go get food, take uber to Royal Albert Hall, Saw Cypress Hill with the London Symphony Orchestra (like the simpsons episode for Homerpolusa) ate at the fancy spot at the royal albert, had steak and potatos and bread, great food, great show at a really cool venue.

Day 11, woke up, took uber to airport, flew the hell home.

Im sure not many people care, but figured id share the adventure. im sure i left out some things i forgot already. but thats the general idea of the trip.

https://www.msnbc.com/top-stories/latest/oj-simpson-death-cancer-nfl-murder-trial-rcna147383

Anyway I noticed Tom's house had a for sale out front. So I asked him about it. "What's up Tom? Where the hell you moving to?"  "Hopefully my daughter will take me in" he says.

I'm like oh your going to live with them and help out with the kids and stuff?   "Not really," he says.  I'm like well whats the deal man? you not like living here no more?   Then that's when he tells me that he has lost everything to Fanduel.  I didn't ask him too much after that I just kinda said ok buddy. My wife knows one of his daughters and she was telling my wife that ol Tom done blew through his retirement funds and went into debt. Now he has to sell the house to pay the debt and has no where to go except for his daughter's.

Pretty sad story.  I know him fairly well and I've never heard him talk about gambling. Its really a surprise to everyone.  He just kept losing and just kept betting more and more higher stakes. Each time thinking this will be the one that I win and get back to even or not down so much. 

I can see why gambling has been against the law for so long. Maybe it should've stayed that way.  Some people just get so sucked in its crazy. 

High school diploma or GED.

Read  to pass proficiency tests is equal to a 10th grade education in 2000.

Same with College diplomas.

All degrees seem downgraded sans Masters and up.

https://www.cincinnati.com/story/entertainment/music/2023/10/12/rudolph-isley-obituary-isley-brothers/

Cincinnati native Rudolph Isley, founding member of The Isley Brothers, dies at 84

Singer-songwriter Rudolph Isley, one of the founding members of the R&B group The Isley Brothers, has died. He was 84.

Isley's brother Ronald confirmed his death in a statement to USA TODAY Thursday. A cause of death was not disclosed. TMZ was the first to report the news.

"There are no words to express my feelings and the love I have for my brother," Ronald said. "Our family will miss him. But I know he's in a better place."

Comprised of brothers Rudolph, Marvin, O'Kelly, Ronald and Ernie Isley and rounded out with musician Chris Jasper, the Isleys formed in Cincinnati and at one time included five brothers.

Raised in Lincoln Heights and Blue Ash, brothers O'Kelly, Rudolph, Ronald and Vernon Isley started out singing in church. They began performing together in 1954 and appeared on the Ted Mack Amateur Hour, winning the competition. The group disbanded in 1955 after 13-year old Vernon was struck and killed by a car as he was riding his bike in his neighborhood. (**Vernon was hit and killed by a Mr Softee ice cream truck)

n 1957, with their parents' blessing, the remaining brothers decided to regroup and move to New York, with brother Ronnie assuming lead vocals. They signed with RCA Records and in 1959 wrote and recorded their first hit, "Shout."

They scored their first Top 40 single with Scepter Records in 1962 with the song "Twist and Shout." In 1964, they left Scepter and formed T-Neck Records, with Jimi Hendrix playing lead guitar for the brothers' band on several singles. In 1969, the brothers signed a distribution deal with Buddah Records and found success with "It's Your Thing," which reached #2 on the Hot 100 singles chart.

e Isley Brothers are the only act to have singles reach the Billboard Hot 100 during the 1950s, 1960s, 1970, 1980s, 1990s and 2000s.

Rudolph Isley was one of the group's primary songwriters and co-wrote the Brothers' breakthrough "Shout," released in 1959. After being immortalized in the 1978 comedy "Animal House," the song has been used as a rallying cry at sporting events ever since. 

The group went on to enjoy other hits with songs such as "Twist and Shout," "It's Your Thing," "That Lady" and "Fight The Power." When their song "Contagious" climbed the charts in 2001, it gave them the distinction of being the act with the longest chart span on Billboard's Hot 100 singles chart at 42 years.

The Isley Brothers have been nominated for multiple Grammy awards and inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. In 2014, the band also received a Lifetime Achievement award from the Recording Academy.

They were inducted into the Cincinnati Black Music Walk of Fame in 2021.

The band was inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame in June 2022. Representing the group at the ceremony were Elaine Isley Goodstone, Ernie Isley and Ronald Isley. During the induction, Ernie Isley reminded guests that their early hit “Shout” was recorded six decades ago and the reach of their music would go on for years, prompting the Beatles to cover them. The two men then joined up for a medley of hits that included “That Lady," “It’s Your Thing” and “Between the Sheets.” (Ernie, the youngest and late comer to the group plays the brilliant guitar solo on "Who's That Lady")

From Flatbush to Albert Hall and every venue in between..

The high octane energy with a joy as she performed  stood her out.

Great rocker..

Great woman..

MODs probably should be moved, but at least it's kinda Cincy related 

• Don't spam, one link per post.  One post at a time (wait for someone else to post.)
• Aim for something people may not have heard.  If it's a popular band or song dig up a live performance or different version.
• No flaming.  If you hate the Beach Boys or whoever just skip it. Genres too, "everything but rap &/or country" fine but you're missing out.. twice
• Meme songs etc are OK but see above

There is a ton of flooding in a number of communities around here.  If any of you were planning to go to YNP this year, my guess would be that you need to make some other plans.…posting some vids in a moment.

edit:  We have tons of Billionaires (yes a B) and millionaires moving to Montana (thanks Kevin Costner and Covid).  The sad this is most of the people affected are going to be working class folks that rely on tourisms dollars to survive.

Living in southern Indiana there was always nearby farm stands to purchase produce cheaply so I never felt compelled to start one.

While I still bought produce from the farm stands, I noticed tomatoes were changing.  They were becoming those bland tasteless orbs like those in the grocery store.  I found out, at least in my area, that many farmers were now selling at large farm markets or wholesaling.  Those old time tomatoes do not travel well so farmers started raising more of the commercial types that have less taste.

For many including myself, homegrown tomatoes are the #1 veggie for home gardens.  So several years ago, I started with a few plants.  I started checking around and and saw a few backyard gardeners were growing in tubs, window boxes and totes.  I started out by drilling holes in two 18 gallon rubbermaid totes.  Filled them with potting mix and put 2 tomato plants in each tote.

The tomatoes were great.

The next year I had 6 totes, 12 plants.  Plenty for me plus family and neighbors.  I then became involved in heirloom tomatoes and seed savers.  As I collected more seeds from others I was up to 30-40 tomato plants with each a different variety.  Of course filling 30+ containers with fresh mix was not cheap.  Luckily I live in an old, small subdivision with large yards outside of town.  So the next step I had someone come in and till me a 25 x 40 spot for a permanent garden.

I downsized my tomato growing and started other produce.  Besides tomatoes, I now grow several varieties of heirloom lettuce, eggplant, cucumbers, several varieties of peppers, green beans, snap peas, squash and various greens.  I always have plenty to share with neighbors.  

Since I am 71 I moved to my next step.  I am finishing 10 8x4 raised beds for this year.  I had this planned for the last 2 years of growing less and succession planting in the dirt.  It worked pretty well so I made the leap this year.  I start many plants indoors under lights which allows me many different options for selection.

That is my story.

I know the last couple of years a lot of folks started backyard gardens during the pandemic so I am wondering if there are any other gardeners out there in Bengal World?

Is Spazz still around?

MULLY

I think the original figure was Ronnie Lott.

...and here's the original thread that is saved in the H.O.F. threads about 10-15 threads down.

** Be warned that I may be more likely to accidentally give timeouts in my sleepless haze.

INDIANAPOLIS -- After a run of prison sentences that spanned two decades -- brought on by a gambling addiction that led to financial fraud, theft and shattered an NFL dream -- former Colts quarterback Art Schlichter has been released from prison.

Court records show Schlichter, 61, (wow... hard to believe... hsh) became eligible for parole June 13 and was released from the Trumbull Correctional Institution in Leavittsburg, Ohio, the next day. He was serving time for federal fraud charges related to a massive ticket scheme that bilked millions of dollars from his victims.

Schlichter's status is listed by the Ohio Department of Rehabilitation & Correction as "APA Supervision" for the next five years. That means Schlichter will be supervised by the Adult Parole Authority in Ohio, responsible for adult felony offenders returning to the community.

As part of his parole, Schlichter was required to sign a contract agreeing to a number of rules, including not to own guns, use illegal drugs or leave the state without notifying his parole officer. There was nothing in the contract stating that Schlichter cannot gamble.

"My advice to anyone coming upon Mr. Schlichter is that they not engage in any business transactions or any purchases or any other transactions that would involve giving him any money," said Ron O'Brien, former Franklin (Ohio) County prosecutor who fought to keep Schlichter in prison.

"(He) is a career criminal engaged in fraud as a career," O'Brien said. "He just cannot help himself. He will do this the rest of his life."

 https://www.hotcars.com/ranking-the-20-worst-american-cars-ever-made/

What do you all make of this list? Agree or disagree with any of them? I thought some of their choices were a bit petty. Like the 2007 Chrysler Sebring? OK, it's a boring car but so what? Or the Ford Excursion just because it's a gas guzzler...

We had a mid 70s White Cadillac convertible that looked like Boss Hog's car and it was a horrible car to drive. It had an enormous gas guzzling V-8 and was a boat to steer and drive. 

I would think the Pinto should be higher on the list than #20

Check it out:   http://livincruddy.com/

Long - but way better than the original version.

At 1pm (ish) he was lost to Post-Covid Sepsis. He got Covid a few weeks ago but in he hospital as of last Saturday he tested negative but got Sepsis from it. He didn't make it.

It was like he knew, one of the last things he said to me was that he wasn't gonna get to see Joe Burrow play, he was so exited for him, he believed he was gonna take us the playoffs this year.

I am going to miss him every single day for the rest of my life. Nobody could be silly and have a quick witted sense of humor like he did.  

I told him in tribute that he was one of the friends that I was going to ask to be a groomsman if I ever got married. 

Rest in Power my friend Onyx, Jason, my brother. I love you and will miss you every single day.

95% excited and 5% worried for recovery. 
 

my sister had it done and had bad eye pain for about two days. 
 

they have been saying to me it’s like some itching or burning for a day maybe. 
 

so we shall see. 

Off Season + Social Distancing?

Anyway, I have several gift cards to Brio/Bravo.  These places became victims of COVID-19 closings and are not going to reopen.

Anyone know if I can cash them in someplace?  Also have some old Orange Leaf Yogurt which melted in the sun and closed.

My dad takes the whole family on a florida beachhouse vacation each year, he goes down in march, we meet in april, all come back end of april.

We all couldnt go, he was already there with corona kicked off. corona cancelled the beach house part, he was there for 2 months, decided to come back late during the lower corona time, made it back safe. 

We didnt see eachother while he was gone, and once back since he was 68 and im  afat ass  with asthma, we kept apart aside from 2 meet ups to exchange some items, and then towards the end we went to the grocery store he and my sister and i. 

Mind you he rode his bike in the sand on the beach 10-20 miles per day while in florida... on the 20 mile one he felt some tightness in his chest, and when he finished it took 1-2 hrs for the heart rate to go down. he thought it was odd but it didnt happen again.

on another longish ride no pain but heart rate took a while to slow down... he didnt tell either of us this...

so he is at home, pulling weeds and mowing grass, feels the pain again, and again heart rate slow to lower.

he calls the heart doc, doc tells him to go to ER now... he reluctantly goes..... again he didnt tell us shit still, didnt even know he was at the hospital. i talked to him an hour before he went.

so we find out the next day, he texts us in the AM that he is getting tests done. and then doctor calls my sister letting her know its a serious thing.

so we head down, we have to take turns going in due to covid, they tell us he is moving hospitals for analysis, so she just stays in there until the move, i dont get to see him then... once moved we rotated every hour... i got to spend 2-3 hours with him, but he was fine, we bullshitted, turns out he needs a triple bypass...... wtf.... this is a guy who exercises daily, he is thin, healthy, he eats fish and chicken, brown rice, a little wine, once or twice a month pizza or burger with the rest of us... takes vitamins, fish oil, red yeast rice, etc.. low dose aspirin daily, does all the right things..

turns out all 3 arteries are 90% blocked...

what. the. fuck.

so they prep for surgery, it happens the next day, we cant be there, covid. so we get phone updates, 7 hr surgery..

these things are 98% successful, 200,000 done per year... the odds are good here. we are concerned but not worried or scared. 

he makes it out.. nurse gives updates, all is good

that night, all is ok, blood pressure little low, but within normal range after that procedure, not worried. 

that night... my sister shows up on my porch, tears in her eyes. hes gone.

one of the bypasses didnt take, they tried to get him back into surgery to fix it, he coded, they couldnt bring him back.

i have never been so lonely in my life. i lost my mother to H1N1, one of 13,000 deaths int he entire country in 2009. I lose my dad, during covid, to a bypass procedure with a nearly perfect success rate. ... both before i am even 40 years old.

i have no parents, i have no grandparents, i have some cousins in ohio i dont see or talk to really. I have one aunt/uncle with 3 cousins i do talk to... and my sister... so my entire family consists of 6 total people now. and i talked to my dad 5-6 times a week. that cutoff is a tough one, i have reach for the phone to call him many times. 

there are many many things that im having trouble processing. as my sister and i are going through the estate process, he was pretty frugal and minimalistic, but also kept everything, if that makes sense. 

he had not a cent of debt. he didnt decorate, not a picture on a single wall, but he had 65,000 tools it seems, and kept every piece of lexan he ever met. you need a screw? bolt? he has it. i promise its in a jar in a cabinet. labelled and in order.

ever issue of boundry water journal? got it. his abacus from college? got it. his college text books? got em.

going through someones stuff, makes you think youll find stuff you didnt know. not with him, he was who he was on the surface his whole life.

we have until monday to be done with his belongings at his house. we never put it on the market but a buyer popped up and we went ahead with the offer. the home means nothing to us, he didnt care for it, he moved here to be with us. so that im not sad about. it wasnt our childhood home, it wasnt the one he built in ohio. it was just a place.

there ahve been some tough calls on what to keep and not keep. you want to keep everything. how many thousands of times did i see that eyeglasses case on his counter? how many months did it take for him to pick that perfect wood furniture for his room?

but you cant keep it all, and there is no logical reason to. so we stuck with what pulled at our heart strings. which is still probably too much to keep. 

im having some big issues dealing with what to do with my life going forward. life is too short to do thinghs you dont like, to work where you arent appreciated, etc... i do like what i do and i AM appreciated. so im good for now, but my industry likely has a life span. 

he retired at 55 or 56.... even that seems too late. work your ass off for 30 years and live for 10-12 years? seems kind of pointless.

i did what i wanted and what i loved from 17-22(managed musicians, ran record label, ran teen club). from 23-35 i did what i HAD to(shitty retail and sales jobs) . now as i am 39 and hit 40 next year.. i am going to make sure i only do what i like to moving forward. I dont know what that looks like.

I have a sophmore with sports aspirations and an 8th grader with video game aspirations (lol). who both will start the year schooling from home.

my wife has a better job after leaving Chase, that soulless hellpit. we will be debt free by the end of the year, and i have a small income that wont ever go away if i dont make it.

every day sucks, its like office space, every day i wake up is the new worst day of my life.  im trying to force positivity back into the world around me. but im dead inside, i always said i was dead inside when my mom passed, but man im 100% dead inside now. my only motivation is not fucking up my kids as they become men. 

after that there isnt a ton of meaning in anything i do on a daily basis.

you never really stop trying to impress your parents, is subconscious but its there. there is no one left to impress. 

having to spend a few days a week at his place cleaning and selling and packing things is brutal, its an emotional day, then takes a day or two to get head back to normal, then youre there again. its been 6 weeks of mind games with myself.

that part is almost over. i dont know what to expect then.

i just needed to vent all of this. i need to get into a psychologist, but i only want to do that in person, and thats not going to happen right now either... covid.

with all the terrible things this virus has done and is doing, its making this already terrible process a complete nightmare.