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*** THE GATORADE CONSPIRACY !!!! ***


Guest BlackJesus

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Guest BlackJesus

[img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons//23.gif[/img] Have you ever pulled a joke on somebody, but you could never tell them about it because it was a prank so foul, so degrading, so truly evil... that revealing it would have had dire consequences? Like maybe spitting on someone's food or stealing from a family member?

Sure you have. We all have. Well Bengal fans, I want to expose the conspiracy the people at Gatorade have been perpetrating on the sports drink drinking public for the past few decades. This epiphany came to me yesterday as I watched the NBA finals ... and it must be known by the public.



[size=3]So let's begin. [b]Please look at the following image and tell me what you see[/b]. [/size]

[center] :contract:

[img]http://static.flickr.com/37/110125619_00df26ac50.jpg[/img]





...



[size=3]Not sure? Okay, look more closely. Much more closely...[/size]


[img]http://static.flickr.com/44/110125620_78cad67518.jpg[/img]





....






...



.[/center]



Okay. If you said anything other than "penis," then you're either a liar, a eunuch, or a Gatorade employee trying desperately to hold onto your job and hide this grand conspiracy from the publics eyes. Because it is, in fact, a Gatorade bottle ... <_<


[center][img]http://static.flickr.com/47/110496033_67f4cc59a5.jpg[/img]
[size=4]You thought it was a penis. Admit it.[/size][/center]


[color="#006600"][b][size=5] :rant: How is it that no one else has ever brought this up :blink: [/size] [/b] [/color]


The bottle that contains the most popular sports drink on the planet looks like a big, thick, throbbing penis, from the clearly defined and strangely textured head to the perfectly tapered shaft. :huh: The only thing missing are a few well-placed veins. <_<



[center][img]http://i83.photobucket.com/albums/j318/Tredcrow/04_GA_Gatorade_Break_43347.jpg[/img]
[size=3]Look at little Tommy Maddox just surrounded by red throbbing cocks. [/size] [/center]


Now maybe it's all a simple misunderstanding. Maybe nature figured out billions of years ago that the penis was the perfect fluid dispenser, and now people are just unconsciously copying that design. I mean, the phallic shape is everywhere: pencils, missles, rocket ships, skyscrapers, mustard containers, hot dogs, baseball bats, Bill Cowher specially made team dildos ... the list could literally go on and on. So sure, perhaps the penis is the perfect shape for just about anything.


[b]But that still doesn't explain the overt and obvious sexual connotations in ads like this: :contract: [/b]

[center][img]http://static.flickr.com/51/110496036_9b262c398b.jpg[/img]
[size=3]Come on, now. I've seen porn that isn't this blatant[/size][/center]


I just can't accept the idea that this is just a coincidence, there's no way. Million dollar firms think about every single aspect of a product.

Which brings me to the conspiracy part. Why do I think it's a conspiracy, you ask? Think about it. You take the world's premier sports drink and package it inside a giant penis-shaped thing, and you know what happens? Every wannabe macho stud, every muscular he-man, every guy who takes his masculinity just a little bit too seriously ... at some point is going to put a cock in his mouth and suck, like he was a damn Steeler player for christs sake. <_< That's right ... Because no one drinks Gatorade out of a cup, and you have to actively squeeze on and suck out of the bottle to get the drink to dispense as fast as you want it.


Are you still a doubter? Do you think I'm overreacting, or at worst, just making up wild stories? Fine. Believe what you will.


[b] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons//23.gif[/img] But before you make your final decision, consider this screen capture from an actual Gatorade advertisement that ran during Superbowl *XFL last season:[/b]

[center][img]http://static.flickr.com/47/110496034_ccd69923fe.jpg[/img]
[size=3]Under a black light, Gatorade looks just like...well, you know[/size][/center]


Uh huh. The Gatorade people are all but rubbing our noses in it. You know somewhere there are several rich men sitting in a board room (probably Jews :ninja: ) and laughing like Dr. Evil every time they watch Michael Jordan give a big, sloppy blow job on national television. Gatorade commercials tend to feature our best athletes, whether male or female, and they all without exception show the athlete slurping down nutritious, electrolyte-laden fluids straight from the universal lizardly life source. Sometimes they pour it all over themselves, bukake-style, :o and for God's sake, they even sweat it out of their very pores, like Joey Porter after mini camp practice.

In addition few men are as homophobic as professional male athletes [i](with the exclusion of the pissburgh stealers who cry on cue)[/i], and few women are as liberated as professional female athletes [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons//23.gif[/img] = and we get to see them all play the bitch to a giant phallic cock bottle, again and again, on national television.


[b][size=4] :rant: Gatorade's fucking tagline for crying out loud is = "Is It In You?"[/size] :huh: [/b]

[b]But if that's not "subtle" enough, maybe they should change it to "Is It Thrusting Hard And Deep Into You?".[/b]

And if you think about it, the joke is really never-ending. I for one now, will never be able to watch someone drink Gatorade without wincing, laughing, or both (probably both). Need proof? Go do a Google image search for Gatorade. [b]You know what you'll find? Pictures like this:[/b]


[center][img]http://static.flickr.com/34/110496642_6839a4ede3.jpg[/img]
[size=3]This poor kid took the "money shot" at his soccer game.[/size][/center]


[b]You'll also find pictures like this: <_< [/b]


[center][img]http://static.flickr.com/42/110496645_c1b365e2c2.jpg[/img]
[size=3]Young women are perfecting their blowjob skills in schoolyards across the country. With a little help from Gatorade, of course.[/size][/center]

[center][b]or this ...[/b]

[img]http://www.miscellaneousetc.com/images/patriot_gatorade_ice.jpg[/img]
[size=3]Getting ready to fire his trojan-rocket man-mayo into a glass with ice [/center] [/size]


[b]You'll even find pictures like this, where a seemingly innocent senior picture turned into something much more suggestive ...[/b]


[size=3][center][img]http://static.flickr.com/43/110496647_290dda08ed.jpg[/img]
An innocent senior picture, or a production still from Fill All Her Dirty Holes Again - Part 17 ? [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons//23.gif[/img] [/center] [/size]


It seems like our whole society is preoccupied with the male penis. And this isn't a new thing. Have you ever seen an Ancient Egyption obelisk? Ancient Greek and Roman columns? Cock-shaped weapons like the sword and spear were specifically designed for quick, powerful thrusting. I guess the major difference between the ancients and us is that, back then, phallic symbols were reserved for things like art, war, and architecture. Now they're used in this grand conspiracy for everything from flying into space to replacing the complex carbohydrates we lose while running a marathon or taking place in a staged *Superbowl.


[color="#FF0000"][size=3][b]And so we have the Gatorade bottle. -_- [/b] [/size] [/color]

So much of the advertising for this stuff centers around [size=3][u]"increased stamina!"[/u] [/size] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons//23.gif[/img] and the ability to [size=3][u]"last longer"[/u] [/size] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons//23.gif[/img] in sports and other activities. So maybe it's just natural that the vessle for this amazing con[i]cock[/i]tion would be the living symbol for a gigantic hard penis. And the best part is, Gatorade turns sticky when it dries, just like splooge on Broken Bens chin.


[size=3][center][img]http://sportsmed.starwave.com/media/pg2/2003/0116/photo/mj2_i.jpg[/img]
"Better give me some more of that Gatorade and fast"[/center][/size]


[b] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons//33.gif[/img] and lastly if you still are not 100 % sure of what I am telling you ...[/b]


[center][size=3]check out who sponsors the stealers training camp for Kids (whom they know will all grow up to love cock) .... [/size]
[img]http://i83.photobucket.com/albums/j318/Tredcrow/05_Jr__Gatorade_Camp004_51997.jpg[/img][/center]

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Guest PakMan
BJ, I'm not sure if you are serious or not, I suspect you are. But I buy into the fact that gatorade bottles are purposely made to look like penises.
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:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

Another BJ special for the masses!!!!





Wait, did I just type "BJ Special"?

oh shit [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons//24.gif[/img] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons//24.gif[/img] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons//24.gif[/img] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons//24.gif[/img]
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Gatorade bottle resembles a Penis :blink: :lol:


[quote]Have you ever seen an Ancient Egyption obelisk?[/quote]

Washington Monument : "our country's faja"

[img]http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/9/96/Washmonument1_cropped.jpg/200px-Washmonument1_cropped.jpg[/img]

[img]http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/3/3e/Washmem.jpg/225px-Washmem.jpg[/img]

[img]http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/8/86/Fourth_july_fireworks.jpg/225px-Fourth_july_fireworks.jpg[/img]

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o man too funny

[img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons//24.gif[/img] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons//24.gif[/img] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons//24.gif[/img] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons//24.gif[/img] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons//24.gif[/img] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons//24.gif[/img] :lmao: :lmao:

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Guest WhoDeyForever

[quote name='Jamie_B' post='283686' date='Jun 19 2006, 09:24 AM']Uhm doesnt Whodeyforever loooove his gatoraid? [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons//39.gif[/img][/quote]

:lol: Yup but now I'm thinking twice now that BJ posted something like this. Gatorade should only be drunken in a cup or if their in the bottle give them to the stealer fans :lol:

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Guest BlackJesus
[quote name='Skilly McRailnob' post='283834' date='Jun 19 2006, 02:41 PM']BJ didn't make this up...[/quote]


[b]Where do I claim that I did ? [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/23.gif[/img]


I got the idea off of a blog I saw and then touched it up and added some of my own twist to it [/b]
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Guest ThurmanMunster

[quote name='WhoDeyForever' post='283868' date='Jun 19 2006, 03:39 PM']I'm still gonna drink the Ade and nobody is gonna stop me :D In fact, I am drinking one right now :blush:[/quote]

im being nice, cuz i would love to comment on this so bad. But since ur a stripes man ill leave u alone. U left urself wide open for comments lol.

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Guest fredtoast
BJ, I'm a little disappointed that you didn't dig deeper to expose the real truth behind this. Didn't you notice that the Gatorade penis is obviously circumcised? This is just another element of the vast Zionest influence on our country.
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Guest WhoDeyForever

[quote name='ThurmanMunster' post='284140' date='Jun 20 2006, 12:37 AM']im being nice, cuz i would love to comment on this so bad. But since ur a stripes man ill leave u alone. U left urself wide open for comments lol.[/quote]

I know man. It was a total joke :lmao: It's just hiliarous to me how BJ and who ever else comes up with ideas like these

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Guest BlackJesus

[quote name='fredtoast' post='284142' date='Jun 20 2006, 01:02 AM']BJ, I'm a little disappointed that you didn't dig deeper to expose the real truth behind this. Didn't you notice that the Gatorade penis is obviously circumcised? This is just another element of the vast Zionist influence on our country.[/quote]


[b]Bastards !!! They even circumcised me somehow ... and I am not even Jewish <_< [/b]


:ninja:

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Guest WhoDeyForever
[quote name='WhoDeyThink' post='284249' date='Jun 20 2006, 10:48 AM']I thought it was R2D2[/quote]

Word.



[img]http://interactive.usc.edu/classes/ctin542-designprod/archives/r2d2-01.jpg[/img]
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