Guest BengalsOwn Posted March 19, 2005 Report Share Posted March 19, 2005 The Cleveland not-really-the-Browns aren't a good team. First off, as the above name adjustment indicates, these are not really the Cleveland Browns. Same name, same excrement-tinted uniforms, but the honorable Art Modell took the real Browns and headed for the glitz and glamour of Baltimore, a metropolis which is a slum by normal standards, but the French Riviera compared to the Mistake by the Lake. The Ravens are the real Browns, and, yes, they stink, too, but I just want everyone to understand the real story. The motive for Mr. Modell's move was money, and a lot of it. If you can find fault with that, you're against the American way of life, and any right-thinking citizen of this great nation of ours would like to invite you to step outside. Not only that, but the Ravens won a Super Bowl almost as soon as they got to Baltimore. Talk about instant karma. Just think, Cleveland: That could have been you! Well, not really, because any team called the Browns would have found a way to blow it. Does the name "John Elway" ring a bell? I, for one, hail Mr. Modell as a national hero, because he helped innocent people escape Cleveland, the western world's Black Hole of Calcutta. God bless you, Mr. Modell. As for the not-really-the-Browns' not-exactly-current owner, he's not dead. He's hiding. Al Lerner faked his own demise, then took all that ticket revenue as well as a big gob of loot from his insurance company and headed straight for the justifiably popular Moonlight Bunny Ranch just outside Carson City, Nev., where the eminently qualified hostesses can ease the pain of all the losses to the Stillers So why does Cleveland suck? You can tell a lot about a town by its heroes. So let's look at Cleveland's heroes. First off, Drew Carey. Isn't funny. Never has been. Just a loudmouthed fat jerk that yells and screams to cover up for lack of material, wit, charisma and...uh, maybe we'd better move on. Next up: Jim Brown. Is he the NFL's greatest running back ever? Yes. Was he hilarious in "I'm Gonna Get You Sucka," the blaxploitation parody movie? Yes. Has he been convicted on charges related to domestic violence? Yes. It's not much of a stretch to say that the only differences between Brown and O.J. Simpson are that O.J. was more motivated and had better equipment. We can't forget Rick Vaughn, protagonist of the film masterpiece "Major League," a flick largely shot in Detroit despite being set in Cleveland. That was because of Cleveland's stench, I'm told, not that you'd hang Detroit from your rear-view mirror as an air freshener. Vaughn slept with one of his own teammates' wives, wore really geeky glasses and, most unforgivably, also appeared in "Major League 2" even though screen giant Wesley Snipes ran screaming in the other direction from that turkey. OK, so that's it for Cleveland's heroes. It should be noted that fear of legal action steers me away from recounting Otto Graham's stint as a Boy Scout troop leader. You can also tell a lot about a town by its women. The women of Cleveland are ill-tempered, ugly sluts. Want proof? Proof that won't involve seeing, touching, or smelling? Yeah, I'll bet you do. NBA sloth Shawn Kemp has fathered 120 kids by 108 women. But the years he toiled for the Cavaliers, he was totally celibate. Kemp was that turned off by the vile wenches that slither along the streets of Cleveland. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is in Cleveland. Bruce Springsteen is in it. Black Sabbath isn't. Enough said. Aside from all the crack dealing, prostitution, unsolved murders, cockfighting, crooked cops, jaywalking, dog kicking, sheep molesting and Indians baseball, the most disgusting episode in Cleveland's history occurred when the real Browns became Baltimorons in 1996. Those low-life, subhuman pigs that populated the "Dawg Pound" and got wasted beyond recognition every Sunday before throwing everything that wasn't nailed down at referees, opposition players and visiting fans somehow became sympathetic figures. Sports Illustrated did a story along these lines, even running a picture of the bloated imbecile who wears the goofy dog mask. To fret about these cretins was like worrying about crusted dog crap once you finally scraped it off your shoe. So these losers couldn't hold onto their football team. Big deal. Probably can't hold onto their jobs or wives, either. Then, in 1999, the-not-really-the-Browns came into the NFL as an expansion team. The-not-really-the-Browns immediately claimed the real Browns' history as their own, and I'm sorry, but you just can't do that. I'm a Duquesne University grad. If that school suddenly claimed Harvard's history, I could get a better job that would involve dealing with a more refined class of people. But Duquesne is (sigh) Duquesne, and the football team currently in Cleveland has nothing to do with the real Browns. The only link Jim Brown has with the not-really-the-Browns is that he probably wants to rough up their cheerleaders. Want to know why it's always cloudy in Cleveland? So God doesn't have to look down upon His foulest creation. Yes, God hates Cleveland, and everyone who lives there is going to burn in Hell. I believe that's in the Bible somewhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boomer07 Posted March 19, 2005 Report Share Posted March 19, 2005 [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif[/img] Good post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BlackJesus Posted March 19, 2005 Report Share Posted March 19, 2005 [color="blue"][i]Poetic Justice .... [/color][/i] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nati Ice Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 i just posted that over on the browns forum, good stuff that is [url="http://dawgtalk.clevelandbrowns.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1008747&page=0&view=collapsed&sb=5&o=&fpart=4&vc=1"]http://dawgtalk.clevelandbrowns.com/ubbthr...o=&fpart=4&vc=1[/url] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nati Ice Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 haha it took those illegitamate fucks 2 minutes to post a response, that is the fasteest ive ever seen on that forum, the title was "Bengals Fans Have No Right..." this was the content If you are a Bengals fan on this forum you have no room to talk smack or anything at all, you've lost of the past 15 years. Come back when you have a winning season! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
|Bunghole| Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 [quote name='BengalsOwn' date='Mar 18 2005, 07:26 PM']The Cleveland not-really-the-Browns aren't a good team. First off, as the above name adjustment indicates, these are not really the Cleveland Browns. Same name, same [b]excrement-tinted uniforms[/b], but the honorable Art Modell took the real Browns and headed for the glitz and glamour of [b]Baltimore, a metropolis which is a slum by normal standards, but the French Riviera compared to the Mistake by the Lake.[/b] The Ravens are the real Browns, and, yes, they stink, too, but I just want everyone to understand the real story. The motive for Mr. Modell's move was money, and a lot of it. If you can find fault with that, you're against the American way of life, and any right-thinking citizen of this great nation of ours would like to invite you to step outside. Not only that, but the Ravens won a Super Bowl almost as soon as they got to Baltimore. Talk about instant karma. Just think, Cleveland: That could have been you! Well, not really, because any team called the Browns would have found a way to blow it. Does the name "John Elway" ring a bell? I, for one, hail Mr. Modell as a national hero, because he helped innocent people escape [b]Cleveland, the western world's Black Hole of Calcutta[/b]. God bless you, Mr. Modell. As for the not-really-the-Browns' not-exactly-current owner, he's not dead. He's hiding. Al Lerner faked his own demise, then took all that ticket revenue as well as a big gob of loot from his insurance company and headed straight for the justifiably popular Moonlight Bunny Ranch just outside Carson City, Nev., where the eminently qualified hostesses can ease the pain of all the losses to the Stillers So why does Cleveland suck? You can tell a lot about a town by its heroes. So let's look at Cleveland's heroes. First off, Drew Carey. Isn't funny. Never has been. Just a loudmouthed fat jerk that yells and screams to cover up for lack of material, wit, charisma and...uh, maybe we'd better move on. Next up: Jim Brown. Is he the NFL's greatest running back ever? Yes. Was he hilarious in "I'm Gonna Get You Sucka," the blaxploitation parody movie? Yes. Has he been convicted on charges related to domestic violence? Yes. [b]It's not much of a stretch to say that the only differences between Brown and O.J. Simpson are that O.J. was more motivated and had better equipment.[/b] We can't forget Rick Vaughn, protagonist of the film masterpiece "Major League," a flick largely shot in Detroit despite being set in Cleveland. That was because of Cleveland's stench, I'm told, not that you'd hang Detroit from your rear-view mirror as an air freshener. Vaughn slept with one of his own teammates' wives, wore really geeky glasses and, most unforgivably, also appeared in "Major League 2" even though screen giant Wesley Snipes ran screaming in the other direction from that turkey. OK, so that's it for Cleveland's heroes. It should be noted that fear of legal action steers me away from recounting Otto Graham's stint as a Boy Scout troop leader. You can also tell a lot about a town by its women. The women of Cleveland are ill-tempered, ugly sluts. Want proof? Proof that won't involve seeing, touching, or smelling? Yeah, I'll bet you do. [b]NBA sloth Shawn Kemp has fathered 120 kids by 108 women. But the years he toiled for the Cavaliers, he was totally celibate. Kemp was that turned off by the vile wenches that slither along the streets of Cleveland.[/b] The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is in Cleveland. [b]Bruce Springsteen is in it. Black Sabbath isn't. Enough said.[/b] Aside from all the crack dealing, prostitution, unsolved murders, cockfighting, crooked cops, jaywalking, dog kicking, sheep molesting and Indians baseball, the most disgusting episode in Cleveland's history occurred when the real Browns became Baltimorons in 1996. Those low-life, subhuman pigs that populated the "Dawg Pound" and got wasted beyond recognition every Sunday before throwing everything that wasn't nailed down at referees, opposition players and visiting fans somehow became sympathetic figures. Sports Illustrated did a story along these lines, even running a picture of [b]the bloated imbecile who wears the goofy dog mask[/b]. [b]To fret about these cretins was like worrying about crusted dog crap once you finally scraped it off your shoe. So these losers couldn't hold onto their football team. Big deal. Probably can't hold onto their jobs or wives, either.[/b] Then, in 1999, the-not-really-the-Browns came into the NFL as an expansion team. The-not-really-the-Browns immediately claimed the real Browns' history as their own, and I'm sorry, but you just can't do that. I'm a Duquesne University grad. If that school suddenly claimed Harvard's history, I could get a better job that would involve dealing with a more refined class of people. But Duquesne is (sigh) Duquesne, and the football team currently in Cleveland has nothing to do with the real Browns. The only link Jim Brown has with the not-really-the-Browns is that he probably wants to rough up their cheerleaders. Want to know why it's always cloudy in Cleveland? So God doesn't have to look down upon His foulest creation. Yes, God hates Cleveland, and everyone who lives there is going to burn in Hell. I believe that's in the Bible somewhere. [right][post="64505"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post][/right][/quote] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif[/img] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif[/img] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif[/img] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif[/img] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif[/img] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif[/img] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif[/img] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif[/img] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif[/img] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif[/img] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif[/img] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif[/img] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BlackJesus Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 [b]This is why Mothers shouldn't use 14 inch Black dildos while pregnant.... all those shots to the head creates this [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/30.gif[/img] [/b] [img]http://www.clevelandbrowns.com/fans/fanatical/images/85.f.jpg[/img] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BlackJesus Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 [b]What the Fuck is that Blob and Fruit basket in the back ???? [/b] [img]http://www.clevelandbrowns.com/fans/fanatical/images/84.f.jpg[/img] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BlackJesus Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 [img]http://www.eng.ysu.edu/~jmccoy/quincy.jpg[/img] [b]Right now the Brown player is thinking [i]"What smells like Shit and Rotten Anal Warts?"[/b][/i] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BlackJesus Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 In Cleveland they call this a Rolex [img]http://imagescommerce.bcentral.com/merchantfiles/4844397/NFL-KDI-CLE.jpg[/img] [b]Only in Cleveland can they make a Watch that covers the actual time.... It isn't like they have to be at work [/b] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/30.gif[/img] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BlackJesus Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 [b]I now like this Packer Fan !!! [/b] [img]http://www.packertime.com/2000/082600/browns.gif[/img] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BlackJesus Posted March 25, 2005 Report Share Posted March 25, 2005 [img]http://www.tailgating.com/Tour%2003/03Images/Browns6832.jpg[/img] [b]Turd Fans had to pack it up, when they realized they couldn't read [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif[/img] [/b] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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