Bengals on Hard Knocks Again!!!

[BengalBacker]

I am old enough to remember when there was no cable at all...and the NFL (really sports in general) was treated basically as the entertainment value that it was--and still is. The fact that there is an entire network--let alone a cable entity which ostensibly should be devoted to providing overcharged bad movies--is centered around this hyperbolized game, lends itself to mind domination.

Haven't seen one episode of Hard Knocks ever...and don't intend to this time either.

 

I'm old enough to remember no cable too, it sucked. I can't imagine not watching it if the Bengals are on.

[Bengals1181]

So what has changed for Lewis wanting to do Hard Knocks?

Last year when asked if he would like the Bengals to be the featured team for the “Hard Knocks: Training Camp” series, Marvin Lewis replied that they had done their time for the NFL right now. 
Evidently, a lot has changed in 12 months. The Bengals will make their second appearance in five seasons on the HBO series that is produced by NFL Films. An announcement from HBO could be forthcoming this week. 
Even though the series is popular with fans because of its 24/7 access to players, coaches and the front office, most teams treat it like the plague for the exact same reason. 
Said Lewis in an interview with a St. Louis radio station last year about the series: “I think it’s a great thing for your fans and I think they get a great perspective behind the scenes, they really get a look at your football team and if we were doing this (an interview) right now we’d be sitting there and the camera would be on us right now as I’m making this call so it’s really a 24-7 deal. No matter what you do there’s a camera there.” 
The reasons why Lewis and the front office did the series four years ago could ring true this time — he has a young but mature roster and he feels like they can handle it. It will also give Andy Dalton and A.J. Green more national recognition. 
Of the players on the current roster, only 13 were here in 2009. Offensive coordinator Jay Gruden and three other assistants will also have their first experience of having cameras record their every move. 

 

about 7 hours ago

http://sulia.com/channel/cincinnati-bengals/f/f9eea5b0-d272-42bf-9748-9fc5de683fb8/?source=twitter&repost=360

[|kennethmw|]

As big Bart said, CAN'T WAIT!!!!

[Hooky]

I don't know if Hard Knocks is the best thing for the Bengals, but it's the best thing for Bengals fans. Can't wait.

[scharm]

Awesome. With it being downtown should be exciting.

[BengalBacker]

http://youtu.be/knXuiqdvZ4E

[BengalBacker]

http://youtu.be/MHMS_AJJHXg

[T-Dub]

You CAN'T field a punt on the ONE YARD LINE!

 

 

The Bengals and wide receiver /kick returner Brandon Tate have come to terms on a one-year contract,

 

 

:39:

[Oldcat]

 

 

 

 

:39:

 

Marv just wants to yell at him on camera.

[mongo]

Great franchises, with the exception of an early showing by Baltimore, avoid Hard Knocks like the plague. I wish we had. There is no argument that can be made for the showing being a competitive advantage, and many arguments that say it puts the team at a disadvantage...

[Rumble In the Jungle]

I can't wait to see Harrison on there and see the Steeler fans all pissed off hahahaaaa

[Oldcat]

Great franchises, with the exception of an early showing by Baltimore, avoid Hard Knocks like the plague. I wish we had. There is no argument that can be made for the showing being a competitive advantage, and many arguments that say it puts the team at a disadvantage...

 

Yeah, letting the inside dope on "RunPee" get out was a blunder of the first order.

[T-Dub]

Great franchises, with the exception of an early showing by Baltimore, avoid Hard Knocks like the plague. I wish we had. There is no argument that can be made for the showing being a competitive advantage, and many arguments that say it puts the team at a disadvantage...

 

So much of a disadvantage that they swept the division

[ONYX]

I love it. Lets face it, after years of futility the national media still doesn't respect this team. Despite 2 straight playoff appearances and 3 playoff appearances in the last 4 years, there still is a condescending tone when talking about the Cincinnati Bengals. 

 

This is a great way to get national exposure and rev up the fan base.  I believe the "its a distraction argument" is a nervous Nilly mindset that is the product of past failed seasons. 

 

The more this team wins,  the more cameras and attention it will receive. If this team isnt mature or focused enough to handle Hard Knocks in the preseason, then it wont be able to handle the attention or challenges in the regular season and especially not the playoffs. 

 

This is awesome.  WHO DEY

[FulcherVulcher33]

When does this start airing? I'm going to have to call dish and subscribe to hbo

[mongo]

 
Yeah, letting the inside dope on "RunPee" get out was a blunder of the first order.

Would a camera crew following you around be more likely to help or hinder your focus at work?

[Bengals1181]

When does this start airing? I'm going to have to call dish and subscribe to hbo

 

 

late july/august.  You'll be able to watch it live online bootleg wise though.

[|Numbers|]

They should have done a Hard Knocks on the League Office like they did on Kissing Suzy Kolber...

 

 

http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2013/05/pilot-for-hard-knocks-2013-leaked-the-league-office.html

 

Pilot for Hard Knocks 2013 LEAKED: The League Office 05.02.13

 

 

Besides all the injurys obviously, the strongest part of the NFL league year’s preseason is the anticipation and speculation surrounding the standout HBO show “Hard Knocks”. Some of my most favorite HK memorys have been when Anthony Cromartie forgot how many kids he had and also watching Chad Slowchocinco lose his job. I reached out to HBO this morning with my suggestion they seemed really interested but they asked me to write a pilot on “speck”(which means free strong takes in laymens terms) so here is my pilot for Hard Knocks 2013: The League Office.

(BTW on Twitter i invented a hash for it: #HardKnocksGoodell thats where were all rallying in support and giving ideas)

 

Black screen for like 4 seconds (the audience is wondering if they need to adjust there tv set, and probly as they just get up to adjust the brightness) an alarm starts going off. The time on the alarm clock reads 4:00 AM. A hand smashes the alarm.

 

CUT TO

Roger Goodells jogging in a hoodie sweatshirt  its still dark outside since its like 430 at this point. You can barely see his face but you can tell its Goodell by his confident stride. There are a few different angles of the jog.

 

CUT TO

Goodells in the shower, hes got a solid disciplined lather going you dont see below the waist though, maybe he turns around for a second and you cant help but get just the top of his butt in frame, close up of his face in the stream you can tell hes ready for a big day.

 

CUT TO

Goodells walking through his kitchen his kids are eating cereal, his wife is making cereal for there youngest child. On his way out he grabs Mrs. Goodell by the waist.

Mrs. Goodell: Have a great day Commissioner.

Roger: You to.

They kiss. Its open-mouth but no toungue.

Mrs Goodell: Aren’t you forgetting something.

Roger: Oh my briefcase.

His wife hands him the briefcase she smiles

Mrs. Goodell: And? Roger! its our anniversary.

Roger: Oh I’m so sorry baby. I’ll make it up to you tonight I promise. Meet me at our favorite restaurant for a special dinner: 7:30 sharp.

Mrs. Goodell: Have a great day Commissioner.

Roger is riding in a towncar, the weight of the League world on his shoulders. His driver, Calvin has been his driver sense he was just a little kid. Matter fact, Ol’ Calvin practicly helped raise the Commissioner.

Calvin: Lord have mercy its chilly outside. Where to today Commish?

Roger:Take me to 30 Rock Calvin, pal. I’ve got a important meeting this morning with Peter King.

Calvin: That the fool what keep tellin everyone what he think he think?

Roger: (laughs a bit Calvins always putting things folksy which is a great contrast to Goodell but they understand each other) Thats the one.

Calvin: Only person whats got 10 things they think they think I care about is the Lord, Commish, pal.

Calvin kind of has a point.

Goodells phone rings the screen reads “De Smith.” He silences it. Now the screen reads “23 missed calls. 20 new voicemails”

 

CUT TO

30 Rock steamroom with Peter King. Dont’ worry there both wearing towels. King is the type of steamroom guy who keeps pouring hot water on the bricks.

PK: Listen Roger, We’ve got a major problem brewing here. a major FUCKING PROBLEM.

Roger: What is it this time Pete?

PK: Ive been speaking with a number of league sorces and circles and As we speak, Junior Seaus brain is currently making its way across the country right this very moment.

Roger: Thats fine I have alot of respect for all the doctors and brain sciencists in the nation. The work they do is fantastic and thats why were going to great lengths through my Heads-Up tackling program as well as giving a bunch of $$$ to my doctor to figure this thing out.

PK: That’s all well and good commish. But you remember how he killed himself in the chest- his brain is still alive!

Roger:What do you mean? Thats fantastic news I’m so glad there are hardworking doctors and science.

PK: I though so to, until I found out that their planning on  putting his brain in your fathers body to give a joint press conference with De Smtih.

Roger: What the Fuck? (his words are bleeped he usually doesnt swear but this has got to be a weird thing to hear)

PK: (Slowly pouring literally like a full pitcher of water over the steamroom rocks as hes making eye contact with Goodell.) Rog this sneaky little rascal De Smith has made it his mission to ruin youre career and now hes making it personal. (hushed tone) I can make it all go away…for a price.

Roger: That won’t be necessary Peter. I’m not going to double kill Junior Seaus brain and my dads body.Besides I have dinner tonight then Ill be making love with my beautiful wife.

PK: Christ Roger, are you to blind to even see that if De gets behind a microphone and has your father telling America that his son had his brain killed because of not tackling Heads-Up its the end of the road? We can kiss the gravy train goodbye. (The Gravy Train is the name of PKs Hoveround that hes been sitting on the entire time in the steamroom)

Roger: For the second time “no” Peter. We have a dutie to make the game just as safe and as fanfriendly as can be. if he wants to take the low road let him.

PK: Its youre funeral. (PK makes the “call it off” signal towards the corner of the steamroom where Florios been sitting balled up/nude in the steam the entire time. you coudnt even see him account of all the steam, hes holding a pistol. He does the cool thing where he hits the release and pulls the clip out.)

Roger: And the other one Mike?

iron mike Florio pops the 1 bullet in the chamber out into the air+ Goodell snatches it out of the air lightning quick. He slams it down on the steamroom bench. Close up on the bullet.

 

CUT TO:

HARD KNOCKS: THE NFL LEAGUE OFFICE

 

 

http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2013/06/hard-knocks-the-league-office-by-pftcommenter-series-finale.html

 

Hard Knocks: The League Office Scene 3 by @PFTCommenter 05.10.13

 

 

Fresh off his most recent pantsing of De Smith,,Goodell shits his focus towards the pressing matter of his dead Dad having his brain filled with Junior Seaus brain. Honestly if you cant follow along theres the door no one will miss you.

Goodell: Im so happy we are now rid of the racist stain on this National Football League that was the Rooney Rule.

Calvin: Lord I wish my granpappy was here to see this day boss, pal. He like to not believe his eyes.

Goodell: Bless his heart Calvin. We better hit the road Ive got a lunch meeting with Al Michael then some sort of branding meeting with Pagano and his team of marketers, PR people and doctors.

Calvin: Right way sir.

 

CUT TO

Goodell and Calvin in the towncar. Calvin has some friends who also are drivers (they play cards every now and again on NFL sundays after church) and they always talk about how there bosses always put up the divider so the driver wont bother them, not Goodell though he always talks to Calvin unless hes doing something like giving Miss Goodell the ATM pin number obviously.

Goodell: Calvin, you use to play ball back in the day right?

Calvin: No sir, i was in a back brace til i turned 20. Never got a chance to play.

Goodell: Oh. Please take me to lunch with Al Michael

 

CUT TO

The towncar pulls up to the 4 seasons a old favorite of Als. Calvin lets Goodell out and Roger walk’s up to Als usual table. Als not there but theres half drank glasses of mimosa, screwdriver, bloody mary, a fresh manhattan and a bet slip for a horse race in Ohio. Goodell takes a seat and smiles and looks every waiter and waitress in the eye when they walk by, just kind of killing time.

Al walks up hes wearing a margaritaville shirt+ sandals with black sock’s hes also got a crazy sunburn everywhere accept for around his eyes from sunglasses and on his neck/chest where he wears a gold chain, you can see where theres a tanline as the necklace moves when he downs the second half of the screwdriver. Then he sits down

Al Michaels: Your late.

Goodell: Sorry Al, you know how i like to be punctual out of respect for my guests but ive been dealing with some stuff.

Al Michael: Dont bullshit me Rog,, Ive been sitting here for 3 minutes waiting for you. (remember all the drinks,, thats from 3 minutes)We need to talk.

Goodell: What can I help you with now, Al.

Al Michael: Im trying to close this deal for the new SNF Football intro song. I sent that bitch Faith Hill on the first train out of the horse trailer,,and Ive got a 3-way bidding war going on between Kid Rock (would be a absolute homerun), Hank Williams JR, and Brad Paisley.

Goodell: They all sound like great choices Al.

Al Michael: They are, but they says they cant pay me any money until after i make my decision and i just need a little scratch to get me threw the end of the week.

Goodell: Im sorry Al but you know I cant give you any more advances. Now if youll excuse me i need to use the bathroom. Ive been very busy and I havent used the bathroom yet today.

He gets up and leaves the table, Michael takes a mirror out and wipes his nose.Hes very fidgety too. Al walks up to the buffet and as hes turning around to hit up the omlet bar he bumps in to Peter King who had 5 plates in his hand. theres syrup and cheese everywhere now.

King: Godammit you son of a bitch Al! Why dont you look where your going it took me 20 minutes to get all my plates filled just the way I like them. And this shirt cost me literally fifteen dollars you drunk bastard!

Michael: Sorry Pete.

King: Sorrys not going to bring back my izod shirt Al. And you know you already owe me for those pies we ate last weekend, not to mention the hookers to.

Michael: Im good for it Peter I swear. Ill do anything Pete, anything.

King: Anything eh?

Peter pulls Al in real close then Peter sit’s down Indian style right there on the floor of the buffet. Its a strange deal but he acts like its the most normal thing in the world and he keeps talking to Al.

King: I coudnt help but notice your here with Commissioner Roger Goodell.

Michael: yea, so.

King: Well, his recent lack of,,gut’s shall we say, has me and many sources and league circles very nervous.

(member, Peter asked Goodell to kill Seaus brain in his dead Dads body because King thought it could ruin the league and his job?)

King: Goodell needs to go Al. Thats a fact. As im sitting here before you the man has to much integrity. Just help me out w/ this one thing and all debts are forgiven.

CUT TO

Goodell is sitting in the stall. hes pooping

 

CUT TO

Al and Peter are still talking

Michael: (Hes upset Goodell has stood by him through his ups and downs but hes got hiself into a pickle this time) Ok Pete what do you need me to do?

King: I,,,know the chef here

We look over into the kitchen, Florios standing there and ducks down behind the stove, he doesnt actually have to duck very far hes florio.

King pulls a slice of pizza out of his shirtpocket. it wasnt in a bag or anything,,he pulls it out and hands it to Michael.

King: I had him cookup a special recipe using poison. Now just make sure that Roger eats the whole thing and you wont owe me a nother dime.

Michael is shaking maybe its account of he hasnt taken a shot in a few mins but maybe its also account of Goodells a friend.

Michael takes the piece of pizza and goes back to his table. Peter King just sits on the ground still Indian style. Goodell returns from the bathroom hes putting sanitizer on his hands. He sits down at the table.

Goodell: Well Al it was nice seeing you please take care of yourself pal.

Michael: Thanks Rog, hey tell you what,, you havent had a bite yet. Do you beleve in miracles? You will after you eat this pizza slice,, its=the best in town.

A new waiter walks bye and lingers at the table for a second. Its Florio w/ a mustache hes there to make sure Goodell eats up.

Goodell: Shucks Al, you know im a real sucker for a nice slice of pie, Dad use to take me out for pizza after football games if i tackled safely and sprinted back to the huddle after plays.

Goodell puts the pizza to his mouth. Al cant bare to look so he starts holding a lighter to one of the buffet spoons on his table out of habit. Somethig snap’s in Al. He dives over the table and grabs it out of Goodells hand.

Michael: Run, commissioner, run. Peter Kings trying to kill you. Im sorry!!!

Always the grasious one, Goodell still leave’s behind cash to cover the meal and a 22 per cent tip to the waiter even though its a buffet.

Al Michael is seen devouring the pizza as Florio keeps reaching into his mouth trying to get the poison pizza. Michael swallows it as Goodell sprints out the door,, Calvin could cents something was wrong and had the car going.

Calvin: Everything ok boss?

Goodell: No Calvin its not. (Goodell puts the divider up in the towncar he doesnt know who to trust)

 

CUT TO

De Smith and Goodells dads body with Junior Seaus brain are early for there press conference there seriously like 3 hours early in a room with microphones. Rachel Nichols is the only one whose that early so the three of them go to the closet and play 7 minutes in heaven or something to past the time.

*HARD KNOCKS*

 

 

Hard Knocks: The League Office By @PFTCommenter SERIES FINALE 06.04.13

 

 

Ok so I took a long break from Hard Knocks to do the Analyst Powerankings plus I mailed the last one in so hard most of you probly thought it was the work of a Detmer. But heres the last installment of Hard Knocks: The League Office.

Let me get you up to speed: When we last left commissioner Goodell he was locked and loaded about to crash the publicity party being hosted by weasel NFLPA lawyer De Smith at the Manhattan McDonalds=official league sponsor of NFL play 60 health & fitness outreach and all around champion thoughtleader restaurant.

De Smith had announced that he along with every fan of football was suing the league for brain damage from big hits, and if that wasnt enough,, De Smith had Junnior Seaus brain trafficed into Roger Goodells dead dad’s head so that Goodell would have a hard time arguing with it like the Jesus character in Contact that talks to Helen Hunt.

Things had turned ugly for the commisioner and he arranged for StatBoy and media elites like John Clayton to show up to record all the footage from the debate that was sure to happen. Goodells faithful driver Calvin (who it turns out was white the whole time your all a bunch of racists and once more Im the least racist) is driving him to McDonalds (Calvin could just absolutely make a meal out of there McRib, Fanta and Fried Chicken dishes and “sammiches” he calls ‘em).

Goodell loads his shotgun and strap’s on his bulletproof vest which are all legally purchased at gunshows earlier that day and if he had to do a background check well he wouldnt of been able to protect himself.

The clock strikes 5PM eastern as Goodell pulls up outside Mickey Ds as Calvin like’s to say. Goodell steps out and StatBoy is smoking a cigarette in the rain.

STATBOY: Your late

Goodell: Your early

Reali and Goodell do a bro handshake that only the two of them know its clear theres some history there

STATBOY: Dont say I never do nothing for you.

The two of them walk inside along with the camera crew. Goodell orders a Ice tea no sugar or lemon and sits on the top balcony inside the McDonalds waiting for Around the Horn to start. He sips his Ice Tea and just stares down at De Smith, His Dad/Junior Seau and Rachel Nickles below. (Rachels pregnant from earlier that day.) He takes a nother calm sip.

Reali turns to the camera crew just as Around the Horn starts

STATBOY: Welcome to Around the Horn the game where eveythings made up and the point’s dont matter. First up we have By Or Sell with our special guest, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. Commish, do you By or Sell De Smiths new lawsuit that threatens the very fabric of the League Year as we know it?

Goodell: Sell.

The camra cuts down to De Smith’s table. Out of nowhere John Clayton runs up behind Rachel Nickles and stabs her repetedly in the stomach as DeSmith and Goodells Dad/Junior Seau look on in horror. Goodell just starts absolutely standing his ground blasting the shotgun left and right. Every one around him poops as they dive out of the way accept Calvin who is steady as you please as he locks De Smiths pitbull in the McDonald ballpit. After locking up and probably killing De Smiths pitbull Calvin fires his crossbow into Goodells Dad/Seau. (Calvins a convicted felon Goodells real nice about giving second chances but Calvins not aloud to own a gun) Seau/Goodells Dad is hurt pretty badley and crawls over to Rachel Nickles whose bleeding pretty bad from where she got stabbed.

One of PNut Tillmans out of control kids is trying to open the door to let the dog out but hes to dumb to figure out how a door works or what a dead dog looks like. So he tries to get it to play fetch or something with the ballpit balls but the dog just lies there. This goes on for like a full minute seriously.

De Smith is meanwhile panicking and just running in circles holding his hat on his head with both hands the whole time like a idiot whose never stood his ground before. He looks over at John Clayton staring at all the blood on his hands and sobbing like a girl (hes never played the game of football remember he lacks accountibility) Smith runs up behind him and takes John Clayton hostage holding a shiv that he had keystered this whole time to the Professers throat and looks up at Goodell as he wet’s himself. Goodells not inpressed.

Goodell: You think I give a shit about him De? The road end’s here.

De: B-b-b-b-b-b-but what about my lawsuit? Im suppose to be rich!

Goodells Dad/Seau stands up and pulls a gun out of his jacket and aims it directly at Goodell. This looks like its curtains folks,, at the last second Peter King (dressed as there McDonalds waiter the whole time in a goofy visor) shoves a order of Chicken McBites down Goodells Dads throat, who collapses to the floor and dies of choking.

Peter King: Talk about a big nugget.

Commissioner Goodell doesnt even bat a eye no one said his job would be easy but hes got to make the tough decisions for whats best for the league.

De Smith realizes its a lost cause but still he shivs the absolute heck out of Claytons throat who collapses in a heap but no one really cares since hes never suited up on Sundays and cant possibly imagne what thats like. Smith stands there like a sadsack buffoon afterward waiting for justice. Out of nowhere Florio whose holding a grenade shows up and sticks his hand into De Smiths butthole and pulls the pin. Theres a explosion obviously and De Smiths body blows up and his head flys up and lands on Goodells table but his hat gets blown just a little bit higher and lands comfortably on Goodells head.

Goodell: Thats what I call “Heads Up.”

Realis been adding points like a maniac for Goodell this whole time its the biggest blowout in the history of Around the Horn,,Woody Page and Plashke are just sitting there mouths open Marriotti had a stroke from the violence. Goodell makes it home in time to take his wife out for there anniversery and make love in 3 different positions. Twitter goes nuts.

 

*HARD KNOCKS*

 

 

 

[Oldcat]

Would a camera crew following you around be more likely to help or hinder your focus at work?

 

Don't they have cameras following them at work already?

[Newprodigy101]

I love it. Lets face it, after years of futility the national media still doesn't respect this team. Despite 2 straight playoff appearances and 3 playoff appearances in the last 4 years, there still is a condescending tone when talking about the Cincinnati Bengals. 

 

This is a great way to get national exposure and rev up the fan base.  I believe the "its a distraction argument" is a nervous Nilly mindset that is the product of past failed seasons. 

 

The more this team wins,  the more cameras and attention it will receive. If this team isnt mature or focused enough to handle Hard Knocks in the preseason, then it wont be able to handle the attention or challenges in the regular season and especially not the playoffs. 

 

This is awesome.  WHO DEY

A BIG X 2!!!

[Jeb]

Hard Knocks, ...hmm :39: 

 

Imagine for a moment that we were the first team to win the Superbowl, ...while being featured on Hard Knocks, ...wow.

[scharm]

Yeah Bengals!

[mongo]

Don't they have cameras following them at work already?

For three hours on a Sunday, limited to what happens on the field. Not for hours and hours, day and night, on and off the field, every day for a month...

For those convinced it's awesome, and who refuse to see any competitive downside, could you explain why the overwhelming majority of NFL teams don't ever want to subject their teams to Hard Knocks?

[Jeb]

Maybe we need this exposure early on to take the next step in the playoffs.  This might actually turn out to be a good thing for our team.

 

Note:  We had better lock up Atkins now or we'll learn to regret it later.

[Jason]

For three hours on a Sunday, limited to what happens on the field. Not for hours and hours, day and night, on and off the field, every day for a month...
For those convinced it's awesome, and who refuse to see any competitive downside, could you explain why the overwhelming majority of NFL teams don't ever want to subject their teams to Hard Knocks?

You better not watch it then.

:lol: