Mormon Excerpt on How to Stop .....

[Guest BlackJesus]

Hilarious true excerpt

1970, Mormon Manual

on how to Stop the Evils of Masterbation

STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Mark E. Petersen

Council of the 12 Apostles

Be assured that you can be cured of your difficulty. Many have been, both male and female, and you can be also if you determine that it must be so.

This determination is the first step. That is where we begin. You must decide that you will end this practice, and when you make that decision, the problem will be greatly reduced at once.

But it must be more than a hope or a wish, more than knowing that it is good for you. It must be actually a DECISION. If you truly make up your mind that you will be cured, then you will have the strength to resist any tendencies which you may have and any temptations which may come to you.

After you have made this decision, then observe the following specific guidelines:

A Guide to Self-Control:

1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during

normal toilet processes.

2. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company

and stay in this good company.

3. If you are associated with other persons having this same

problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never

associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't

suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will.

You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in

their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind.

The problem must be taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where

it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more

wholesome things.

4. When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never

stay in the bath more than five or six minutes -- just long

enough to bathe and dry and dress AND THEN GET OUT OF THE

BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your

family present.

5. When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the

most part, dress yourself for the night so securely that you

cannot easily touch your vital parts, and so that it would

be difficult and time consuming for you to remove those

clothes. By the time you started to remove protective

clothing you would have sufficiently controlled your

thinking that the temptation would leave you.

6. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed,

GET OUT OF BED AND GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND FIX YOURSELF A

SNACK, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if

you are not hungry, and despite your fears of gaining

weight. The purpose behind this suggestion is that you GET

YOUR MIND ON SOMETHING ELSE. You are the subject of your

thoughts, so to speak.

7. Never read pornographic material. Never read about your

problem. Keep it out of mind. Remember -- "First a

thought, then an act."

The thought pattern must be changed. You must not

allow this problem to remain in your mind. When you

accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act.

8. Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times. Read

good books -- Church books -- Scriptures -- Sermons of the

Brethern. Make a daily habit of reading

at least one chapter of Scripture, preferably from one of the

four Gospels in the New Testament, or the Book of Mormon. The

four Gospels -- Matthew, Mark, Luke and John -- above

anything else in the Bible can be helpful because of their

uplifting qualities.

9. Pray. But when you pray, don't pray about this problem, for

that will tend to keep [it] in your mind more than ever. Pray

for faith, pray for understanding of the Scriptures, pray

for the Missionaries, the General Authorities, your friends,

your families, BUT KEEP THE PROBLEM OUT OF YOUR MIND BY NOT

MENTIONING IT EVER -- NOT IN CONVERSATION WITH OTHERS, NOT

IN YOUR PRAYERS. KEEP IT OUT of your mind!

The attitude of a person toward his problem has an affect [sic] on how easy it is to overcome. It is essential that a firm commitment be made to control the habit. As a person understands his reasons for the behavior, and is sensitive to the conditions or situations that may trigger a desire for the act, he develops the power to control it.

We are taught that our bodies are temples of God, and are to be clean so that the Holy Ghost may dwell within us. Masturbation is a sinful habit that robs one of the Spirit and creates guilt and emotional stress. It is not physically harmful unless practiced in the extreme. It is a habit that is totally self-centered, and secretive, and in no way expresses the proper use of the procreative power given to man to fulfill eternal purposes. It therefore separates a person from God and defeats the gospel plan.

This self-gratifying activity will cause one to lose his self-respect testimony becomes weak, and missionary work and other Church callings become burdensome, offerings.

To help in planning an effective program to overcome the problem a brieation is given of how the reproductive organs in a young man function.

The testes in your body are continually producing hundreds of millions of reproductive cells call spermatozoa. These are moved up a tube called the vas deferens to a place called the _ampulla_ where they are mixed with fluids from two membranous pouches called seminal vesicles and the prostate gland.

The resultant fluid is calleeminal vesicles are full a signa to the central nervous system indicating they are ready to benother, depending on such thingsexercise, state of health, etc. everal times a week, for others

It is normal for the vesicles to be emptied occasionally at night durise the emptying come from the cetral nervous system. Often an erotic dream is experienced at the same time, and is a part of this normal process. nstead ourse, the reproductive system is operating at a more rapid pace, trying to keep up with the loss of semen. When he stops the habit, the body will continue to produce ahis increased rate, for an indefese are not harmful and are to be endured until the normal central nervous system pathway of rel

As one meets with his Priesthood Leader, a program for overcoming masturbation can be implemented using some of t Remember it is essential that a regur report program be agreed on, so progress can be recognized and failures understood and eliminated.

Suggestions:

1. Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will

strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and out

lout when the temptations are the strongest.

2. Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise. The exercises

reduce emotional tension and depression and are absolutely

basic to the solution of this problem. Double your physical

activity when you feel stress increasing.

3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell STOP to

those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then

recite a prechosen Scripture or sing an inspirational hymn.

It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish

need to indulge.

4. Set goals of abstinence, begin with a day, then a week,

month, year and finally commit to never doing it again.

Until you commit yourself to never again you will always be

open to temptation.

5. Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved

through a changed self-image. Spend time every day

imagining yourself strong and in control, easily overcoming

tempting situations.

6. Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program. Relate

this plan to improving your Church service, to improving your

relationships with your family, God and others. Strive to

enhance your strengths and talents.

7. Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others

and learn to enjoy working and talking to them. Use

principles of developing friendships found in books such as

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

8. Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to

feel lonely, bored, frustrated or discouraged. These

emotional states can trigger the desire to masturbate as a

way of escape. Plan in advance to counter these low periods

through various activities, such as reading a book, visiting

a friend, doing something athletic, etc.

9. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry

it with you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of

self control, color the day black. Your goal will be to

have _no black days. The calendar becomes a strong visual

reminder of self control and should be looked at when you

are tempted to add another black day. Keep your calendar up

until you have at least three clear months.

10. A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at

certain times and under certain conditions. Try and recall,

in detail, what your particular times and conditions were.

Now that you understand how it happens, plan to break the

pattern through counter activities.

11. In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective

technique called aversion therapy. When we associate

or think of something very distasteful with something which has

been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought

and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was

pleasurable. If you associate something very distasteful

with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop the

act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think

of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of

them as you do the act.

12. During your toileting and shower activities leave the

bathroom door or shower curtain partly open, to discourage

being alone in total privacy. Take cool brief showers.

13. Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake,

no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something.

Start each day with an enthusiastic activity.

14. Keep your bladder empty. Refrain from drinking large

amounts of fluids before retiring.

15. Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food.

Eat as lightly as possible at night.

16. Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and

not binding.

17. Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that

might create sexual excitement.

18. It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use

in overcoming this problem. A Book of Mormon, firmly held in

hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme

cases.

19. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to

the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of

masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This

can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of

clothing which would be difficult to remove while half

asleep.

20. Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have

to be a big reward. A quarter in a receptacle each time you

overcome or reach a goal. Spend it on something which

delights you and will be a continuing reminder of your

progress.

21. Do not let yourself return to any past habit or attitude

patterns which were part of your problem. Satan Never Gives

Up. Be calmly and confidently on guard. Keep a positive

mental attitude. You can win this fight! The joy and

strength you will feel when you do will give your whole life

a radiant and spiritual glow of satisfaction and fulfillment.

Hell, ... Here I Cum !!!!!!

[Guest BlackJesus]

Good Luck keeping the faith

[Guest BengalBacker]

Bwahahahahaha !!!!

19. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to

the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of

masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This

can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of

clothing which would be difficult to remove while half

asleep.

[whodey319]

i guess i should have stopped masturbating while reading this

[Guest BengalsOwn]

3. If you are associated with other persons having this same

problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never

associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't

suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will.

You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in

their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind.

The problem must be taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where

it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more

wholesome things.

What kind of guy sits with his friend thinking about his friend masturbating? What kind of guy quits masturbating with his friend?

[Jamie_B]

I consider myself faithfull, but I never trust a religion that came about by the founder putting his face in a hat to read stones.

[|Bunghole|]

That stained glass window of the boy kneeling is disturbing...plus don't Mormons have some strange and solid beleifs about the origins of God, The Devil, and Jesus...something like they all came from outer space, etc? Not really sure, but if they don't drink and choose to live in a place like Utah, I can't trust 'em...

[CatScratchFever]

What kind of guy sits with his friend thinking about his friend masturbating? What kind of guy quits masturbating with his friend?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I quit masturbating with my friends a long time ago. Now I just do it by myself.

[Guest BlackJesus]

Perfect time to analyze Salvador Dalis "The Great Masturbator"

If you can see hidden messages of Masturbation point them out

[Guest BlackJesus]

Looks like Britney could be the anti-christ

Britney Spears sings of masturbation

Asian News International

Nov. 14, 2003

Britney Spears says it's good to masturbate and for girls to talk about it.

It was a visual treat for Britney Spears' fans on Thursday night when she appeared on the American TV programme Primtime. However, the one-on-one interview left many disappointed.

According to a report in People News, it was a rare insight into the pop star's life. She opened the floodgates  literally bawled her eyes out Gwynneth Paltrow-style  while talking about how beastly journalists are to her.

Britney also revealed what her new single 'Touch Of My Hand' was an ode to masturbation. The song is featured on her new album "In the Zone." She said that women should "make themselves happy" and then let their partners "kind of follow up."

According to the singer: "It's a positive thing to indulge in yourself in a sexual way sometimes. It's life. Guys can talk about it. Why can't girls? It's a positive thing. I think if you say you don't do it, you're lying."

Spears also claimed it's a positive thing for girls not to depend on guys.

She's quoted as saying: "Being alone you really start to figure out what makes you happy. And then you're able to give more to other people.

"When you turn yourself on, that really is what turns the guy on. So just make yourself happy and let them just kind of follow up after you."

The 22-year-old went on to reveal certain unspecified illnesses, but concluded her outburst on a snappy, upbeat note.

"People like Madonna give me hope. The fact that they can have their families with them and they can balance the whole thing," said the 'Hit Me Baby One More Time' singer.

[Guest BlackJesus]

http://www.masturbateforpeace.com/

An actual site.....Not kidding, they have an international petetion to end War through wacking off

There slogans

Hairy palms, not cluster bombs

War's not kind, beat yourself blind

Cream your khakis, not Iraqis.

Peace is spiffy, stroke your stiffy

Don't send the fleet, just beat your meat

War is shit, rub your clit

Side with France, reach down your pants

Peace is the issue. Use a tissue.

War is Crappy, Slap Your Pappy

War's for squares, play downstairs

Stop war now, milk your cow

When you jerk tonight, keep peace in sight.

Down with war, stroke some more

War is cruel - flog your mule

Get peace fever, rub your beaver!

War is heinous, thumb your anus

You Can't Beat Off with Nuclear Arms

War is Mean, Flick Your Bean

War is wrong, whack your schlong.

I'm going blind for Mankind

War is silly, whack your willy

Think globally, whack locally

http://www.masturbateforpeace.com/hannity_peace.wmv

Sean Hannity talks about the group

another good one, they put Dildos into famous paintings

http://www.dildoart.com/index.html

[STRAYCAT]

WELL! Isn't that special!

[Guest BlackJesus]

[b][i]What better time than to dust off this 8 Month old Beauty [/i][/b]

[Beaker]

9. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry
it with you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of
self control, color the day black. Your goal will be to
have _no black days. The calendar becomes a strong visual
reminder of self control and should be looked at when you
are tempted to add another black day. Keep your calendar up
until you have at least three clear months.

I was doing really well until I kept reaching into my pocket for my calendar. Now I have black marker all over my hands and my weiner.

[|Bunghole|]

[quote name='Beaker' date='Jun 11 2005, 09:00 AM']9. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry
it with you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of
self control, color the day black. Your goal will be to
have _no black days. The calendar becomes a strong visual
reminder of self control and should be looked at when you
are tempted to add another black day. Keep your calendar up
until you have at least three clear months.

[b]I was doing really well until I kept reaching into my pocket for my calendar. Now I have black marker all over my hands and my weiner.[/b]
[right][post="101929"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post][/right][/quote]
[img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif[/img] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif[/img] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif[/img] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif[/img]
That was funny man!

[Ben]

[img]http://www.personal.psu.edu/users/d/l/dlk192/ist250/kitten.jpg[/img]

[bigfeet4real]

always remember this saying "if god would've not want you to masterbate he would've made your arms shorter" hehe