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Why Your Team Sucks 2017-Bengals


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I know I've been posting some really negative articles lately about our team, mostly just to show that the vultures in the press are circling over them, waiting for the carcass. Anyway, those of you whom have read these Deadspin articles before will know that they are hilarious. The Mike Brown commentary is too funny. And so are the reader comments.

 

http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2017-cincinnati-bengals-1797628436

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:lol:

 

Here’s Mike Brown tying his tongue in a knot to defend Mixon:

“He’s a young guy. He turned 21 [on Monday]. The incident that he was involved in was three years ago,” Brown said on Tuesday, via ESPN. “He made a terrible mistake. He struck a young woman. He hurt her badly. It was a reflexive action in my mind, when I see the tape of it. I just think he acted without thought. But it was a terrible result.”

Oh, it was a reflexive action! Well then that makes it FINE. I’m using that from now on. “Officer, I’m so sorry I shot that street busker to death. But he started playing ‘Hotel California’ and I had a REFLEXIVE ACTION. Terrible result!” What other result does Mike Brown expect from a face punch? Did he expect daisies to sprout out of the lady’s nose when it happened? What in the living fuck, Mike?

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Dude.... How did I miss this?

https://deadspin.com/former-bengals-lb-accused-of-assault-exposing-himself-1792633512#_ga=2.31991417.65442401.1501953988-1914900047.1462471964

Exposed himself outside a church? I like it. Original.

"What might not suck: Those four games a year where Tyler Eifert isn’t hurt? MAGIC."

 

Thanks for the link.

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1 hour ago, LostInDaJungle said:

Dude.... How did I miss this?

https://deadspin.com/former-bengals-lb-accused-of-assault-exposing-himself-1792633512#_ga=2.31991417.65442401.1501953988-1914900047.1462471964

Exposed himself outside a church? I like it. Original.

"What might not suck: Those four games a year where Tyler Eifert isn’t hurt? MAGIC."

 

Thanks for the link.

Here's the one for the Steelers. Also super funny,

 

https://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2017-pittsburgh-steelers-1799179375

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11 hours ago, LostInDaJungle said:

Of course he did it in Hamilton.  I thought when someone exposes themselves in front of a church in Hamilton they just called it Wednesday.

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3 hours ago, UncleEarl said:

Of course he did it in Hamilton.  I thought when someone exposes themselves in front of a church in Hamilton they just called it Wednesday.

 

More of a Sunday thing when the pool supply stores are closed

 

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/man-arrested-sex-float-time-article-1.1827864

 

You know what's always open on Sundays? A church.  I tried that when the liquor stores were closed but the Padre gets upset when you go back for seconds. 

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7 hours ago, fluhartz said:

wow.. that's incredible... 

I really liked this part on Rapistburger: 

 

I love how, after 13 years of getting his brain turned into anchovy paste, Big Ben is like DURRRRRRR BIG BEN WANT TO RETIRE TO SAVE HEAD. I got news for you, kiddo: That train left the station a long, long time ago. Like, at birth. Big Ben came into the league as Fatter, Dumber, More Evil Gronk, and he’ll leave the same way. 

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