Guest Tigris Posted February 4, 2007 Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 [quote name='WhoDeyForever' post='436874' date='Feb 4 2007, 03:20 PM']dude that would suck ass[/quote] [url="http://www.humanillnesses.com/images/hdc_0000_0001_0_img0024.jpg"]http://www.humanillnesses.com/images/hdc_0...1_0_img0024.jpg[/url] your nerves come out between your vertebrates [img]http://www.humanillnesses.com/images/hdc_0000_0001_0_img0024.jpg[/img] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tigris Posted February 4, 2007 Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 anyone see the BK commercial about being a man and wanting the whopper or something like that. funny as hell. I AM MAN and then they throw the mini van over the bridge Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tigris Posted February 4, 2007 Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 Air4rce1 ask for matt if anyone gives a shit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tigris Posted February 4, 2007 Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 i think im 12-6, but 3 of my losses have come from disconnection and 1 from me accidentally quiting after someone else quit. i lost 2. one to one buy that won over 200+ games and another to a guy that won over 150+ games. they were great. i had a minimal chance Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tigris Posted February 4, 2007 Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 4:00 almost. at least i could tell you guys a lot about cerebral palsy and spina bifida Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bengals1181 Posted February 4, 2007 Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 man, why did I read this thread? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tigris Posted February 4, 2007 Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 ill be online until the sb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tigris Posted February 4, 2007 Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 [quote name='Bengals1181' post='436894' date='Feb 4 2007, 04:09 PM']man, why did I read this thread?[/quote] well, look at it this way... not only do you have a reason to post and increase your post count, you also became more aware of illnesses that children of our country have to suffer from everyday Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tigris Posted February 4, 2007 Report Share Posted February 4, 2007 you never know when someone is going to ask you a out spinal bifida. you will look like a genius when you have the answer. plus, who knew about larry bird Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tigris Posted February 5, 2007 Report Share Posted February 5, 2007 i went either 3-0 or 4-0 today. good thing no one played me from here... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest A-Men-HouseofPain Posted February 5, 2007 Report Share Posted February 5, 2007 [quote name='Tigris' post='437002' date='Feb 4 2007, 09:00 PM']i went either 3-0 or 4-0 today. good thing no one played me from here... [/quote] wanna play now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JC Posted February 5, 2007 Report Share Posted February 5, 2007 [quote name='Tigris' post='436870' date='Feb 4 2007, 03:14 PM']supposedly, larry bird has a colonostomy. took out his colon, basically... and now runs around with a little sack strapped on his side where his poop goes when he has to go. comes out his abdomen, though. you cant recognize any of this with just people walking around. amazing. maybe i used the wrong word. colonectomy is taking out the colon. colonostemy is the colon attached to the abdomen madden anyone?[/quote] Holy shit. TUCKER MAX TIME!!!!!!!! One night when I was living in Austin, I hung out with a girl that I met through the site. Once we got together, the conversation eventually turned to the two topics that all my conversations are about: sex and me. She told me she'd only been with two guys in her life. This was not because she didn't like hooking up, but rather because she is afraid of hooking up. Apparently, she has a very weak immune system, takes forever to get over a sickness, and claimed that a VD could possibly kill her. Not just something like AIDS mind you, which can kill us all, but shit like genital herpes or chlamydia could knock her off. I tell her to immediately get away from me. I am almost certainly a supercarrier and she shouldn't even touch me, much less fuck me. I go so far as to tell her that I won't hook up with her even if she wants it, because even though every test I have ever taken has come back clean, I can't have it on my conscience that I killed a girl because I gave her some random VD that I don't even know I had. We ended up getting pretty drunk on Jaeger bombs and she came home with me [like that was hard to predict]. We started hooking up, and she took off my clothes and her top, but refused to remove her jeans. What? She said she had some injury or something, but she wouldn't elaborate on what it was and would not remove her pants no matter what. She did have a bandage on her hip and I could sort of see it sticking out of her jeans, so I just let it go at first. We made out some more and she got more into it. After her initial reticence, she decided she did want to have sex with me, despite her "injury" and risk of death from HPV. OK, great, let's get to it. Is it ever that easy for me? Well, yeah, most of the time it is, but I wouldn't write a story about it if it was just normal fucking, now would I? She started to take off her pants, but told me that she had to let me in on a little issue she has before sex... She began by telling me that she has Crohns Disease. I told her I knew what it was, a friend of mine has it [in short, it is a degenerative disease of the colon]. Well, hers is pretty advanced and she kept dancing around the issue until, all of the sudden, it hit me: "That's not a bandage on your hip is it? OH-MY-GOD!" Great Holy Mother of Jesus, this girl had a fucking colostomy bag. Let me repeat: A COLOSTOMY BAG. ON HER HIP. In case you are lost here, let me give you the Webster's Medical Dictionary definition of colostomy bag: "A bag worn over an artificial anus to collect feces." Yes, you read that right. The girl had a tube coming out of a small hole about three inches to the left of her belly button, and emptying into a bag, about the size of small Ziploc sandwich bag, that was bandaged to her hip. I shit you not, there was a BAG FULL OF POOP--LITERALLY HUMAN SHIT-TAPED TO HER HIP. As you may imagine, this was quite the shock, even for me. I tried to be cool about it. I told her it was no big deal, that everyone has issues, hers just happened to be more out in the open than most, and that I would support her...alright, who am I bullshitting? I laughed like a fucking hyena, right in her face. I mean come on, the girl has a bag of shit on her hip. What do you want from me? Caring? Compassion? Thanks, but we're sold out. I immediately ask about the first thing that came to my mind: "So if your shit in a bag, can we have buttsex and not have to worry about getting poop on my penis?" Then she dropped another daisy-cutter on me: HER ASSHOLE HAD BEEN SEWN SHUT. I rolled her over and immediately stuck my finger down there. Lo and behold, THERE WAS NO ASSHOLE. She didn't have an asshole! It was just all crack, from top to bottom! She told me that since she never used it, her asshole was sown shut to prevent infection. I couldn't hold off anymore. Sex be damned, there was funny to be had here: Tucker "You don't have an asshole? So I guess opinions aren't like assholes." Girl "Very funny." Tucker "I could literally fuck the shit out of you couldn't I? I could fuck your shit right into that bag. Would I see it filling up if I go too hard?" Girl "Tucker..." Tucker "What happens if I'm too vigorous? Will the shit hit the fan?" Girl "Well--" Tucker "You're only a two holer! I couldn't even three hole you if I tried!" She explained that she could do anything any other girl could do, she just had to be careful. Not wanting to lose the opportunity to mark a new type of handicap off my Sexual To-Do List, I coaxed her back into a romantic mood. Just as we started hooking up again, she whispered, [b]"Be gentle, you don't want this thing to break."[/b] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif[/img] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest WhoDeyForever Posted February 5, 2007 Report Share Posted February 5, 2007 [quote name='JC' post='437172' date='Feb 5 2007, 08:56 AM']Holy shit. TUCKER MAX TIME!!!!!!!! One night when I was living in Austin, I hung out with a girl that I met through the site. Once we got together, the conversation eventually turned to the two topics that all my conversations are about: sex and me. She told me she'd only been with two guys in her life. This was not because she didn't like hooking up, but rather because she is afraid of hooking up. Apparently, she has a very weak immune system, takes forever to get over a sickness, and claimed that a VD could possibly kill her. Not just something like AIDS mind you, which can kill us all, but shit like genital herpes or chlamydia could knock her off. I tell her to immediately get away from me. I am almost certainly a supercarrier and she shouldn't even touch me, much less fuck me. I go so far as to tell her that I won't hook up with her even if she wants it, because even though every test I have ever taken has come back clean, I can't have it on my conscience that I killed a girl because I gave her some random VD that I don't even know I had. We ended up getting pretty drunk on Jaeger bombs and she came home with me [like that was hard to predict]. We started hooking up, and she took off my clothes and her top, but refused to remove her jeans. What? She said she had some injury or something, but she wouldn't elaborate on what it was and would not remove her pants no matter what. She did have a bandage on her hip and I could sort of see it sticking out of her jeans, so I just let it go at first. We made out some more and she got more into it. After her initial reticence, she decided she did want to have sex with me, despite her "injury" and risk of death from HPV. OK, great, let's get to it. Is it ever that easy for me? Well, yeah, most of the time it is, but I wouldn't write a story about it if it was just normal fucking, now would I? She started to take off her pants, but told me that she had to let me in on a little issue she has before sex... She began by telling me that she has Crohns Disease. I told her I knew what it was, a friend of mine has it [in short, it is a degenerative disease of the colon]. Well, hers is pretty advanced and she kept dancing around the issue until, all of the sudden, it hit me: "That's not a bandage on your hip is it? OH-MY-GOD!" Great Holy Mother of Jesus, this girl had a fucking colostomy bag. Let me repeat: A COLOSTOMY BAG. ON HER HIP. In case you are lost here, let me give you the Webster's Medical Dictionary definition of colostomy bag: "A bag worn over an artificial anus to collect feces." Yes, you read that right. The girl had a tube coming out of a small hole about three inches to the left of her belly button, and emptying into a bag, about the size of small Ziploc sandwich bag, that was bandaged to her hip. I shit you not, there was a BAG FULL OF POOP--LITERALLY HUMAN SHIT-TAPED TO HER HIP. As you may imagine, this was quite the shock, even for me. I tried to be cool about it. I told her it was no big deal, that everyone has issues, hers just happened to be more out in the open than most, and that I would support her...alright, who am I bullshitting? I laughed like a fucking hyena, right in her face. I mean come on, the girl has a bag of shit on her hip. What do you want from me? Caring? Compassion? Thanks, but we're sold out. I immediately ask about the first thing that came to my mind: "So if your shit in a bag, can we have buttsex and not have to worry about getting poop on my penis?" Then she dropped another daisy-cutter on me: HER ASSHOLE HAD BEEN SEWN SHUT. I rolled her over and immediately stuck my finger down there. Lo and behold, THERE WAS NO ASSHOLE. She didn't have an asshole! It was just all crack, from top to bottom! She told me that since she never used it, her asshole was sown shut to prevent infection. I couldn't hold off anymore. Sex be damned, there was funny to be had here: Tucker "You don't have an asshole? So I guess opinions aren't like assholes." Girl "Very funny." Tucker "I could literally fuck the shit out of you couldn't I? I could fuck your shit right into that bag. Would I see it filling up if I go too hard?" Girl "Tucker..." Tucker "What happens if I'm too vigorous? Will the shit hit the fan?" Girl "Well--" Tucker "You're only a two holer! I couldn't even three hole you if I tried!" She explained that she could do anything any other girl could do, she just had to be careful. Not wanting to lose the opportunity to mark a new type of handicap off my Sexual To-Do List, I coaxed her back into a romantic mood. Just as we started hooking up again, she whispered, [b]"Be gentle, you don't want this thing to break."[/b] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif[/img][/quote] dude that is fucking hiliarious [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif[/img] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tigris Posted February 7, 2007 Report Share Posted February 7, 2007 that was mean as hell... but funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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