My Boss' Response to Madden

[Jamie_B]

So a few of us at work were playing ESPN every year and now with this whole Madden thing one of the guys who is boycoting as well suggested FIFA, here is my boss' response....

[quote]For those of you playing video games, this is for you.  If
it does not matter to you what Xbox game anyone is playing,
don’t bother with this article, and keep waiting for Jamie
to make some rules for this year’s Fantasy Football.  (I
personally am waiting with baited breath.)

As of last year, EA acquired the sole rights to all of the
NFL players and teams, making them the only possibly
football game in town.  All other video football games would
either die off or manufacture teams that do not exist.  It
has been recently asked that if instead of Madden football
this year, we all played FIFA, a soccer game.

To start with, I agree with all of you that Madden did a bad
thing, and I really hate the fact they are the only game in
town.  But with that said, if my wife decided to divorce
me, I wouldn't turn gay just because I hated women. 
Football is the single greatest sport every designed (except
for midget tossing) and there is no rival.

Any country who considers soccer as the best sport should be
blown off the face of the earth.  There is no reason for a
sport to exist where you can not use your hands.  The only
thing separating us from the rest of the animal kingdom is
the ability to walk upright and utilize our opposable
thumbs.  Cows and ducks can play soccer, and that makes it a
crappy sport.  I can only hypothesize that most of the
soccer players are barely evolved enough to use their arms
and legs and find this a challenging sport.  No sane person
believes in a sport where you can not use your hands, but
you can smack the shit out of a ball with your melon. 

Here’s a little test to see how you see Football as compared
to Soccer:

Football is to being a man as Soccer is

A.  to being a fudge packer
B.  to being an uncoordinated dolt who probably has a pony
tail
C.  to being 16 years old or younger
D.  to being born and raised in a country that is so poor
that you have to play a game the involves a single ball and
no other equipment.  At which time, if no ball can be found,
simply cut the head off any infidel walking down the street
and kick that around for a few hours.

I can not put this any more simply… Soccer Sucks.  If you
play it, and like it as a sport, good for you.  You suck
too.  If your children play soccer, that’s cool, just make
sure they stop by the time a hair grows on their balls.  If
your Iranian, and you play soccer… well… you know who the
fuck you are Ali. 

I know we have all had that time in our life where we did
the walk of shame from some girls’ room/dorm that we didn’t
really want to have anything to do with, but just HAD to
have some “company”.  Madden is like that… Sure it’s not the
hot chick on campus, but it’s the only one willing to lay
back and take your sweaty sac in her mouth.  She’s a mess
and everyone has taken a turn with her, but damn it… she’s
the only one drunk enough to acknowledge your even there. 
But as nasty and disgusting as she is, she is still a SHE. 
That is a very important distinction from nailing some guy
just because the only other option was a fat chick.  Walking
away from doing a fat chick, you’re a loser who needed some,
which is light years ahead of being a shit dick with his
asshole stretched out.

So yes, for those of you slow people out there, I am saying
playing Madden football is like screwing a fat chick, and
yes even PLAYING a soccer game is gay.  (Notice the omission
of the word “LIKE” in the second half of that sentence.)  So
if your asking me if I want to fuck the fat chick, or go
gay… you guys can go lube up some French and Spanish soccer
ass, cause this American ain’t ready to turn into a turd
burgler quite yet. [/quote]

[BuckWoody]

[quote name='Jamie_B' date='Aug 9 2005, 05:15 PM']Cows and ducks can play soccer, and that makes it a crappy sport.
[right][post="127596"][/post][/right][/quote]

Fabulous.

[Guest bengalrick]

now thats classic!! [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons//24.gif[/img] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons//24.gif[/img]

[|Bunghole|]

I will defend soccer to the tooth as one of those sports, like golf and tennis, that are actually fun to play (either for real or in video game formats), but make for horrid television viewing. Hell, throw NASCAR into that realm while you're at it, although none of us here has likely ever driven a stock car at 200 mph, but it would be fun to do, wouldn't it?

[Guest steggyD]

But I thought you were gay, Jamie...

[Jamie_B]

[quote name='steggyD' date='Aug 9 2005, 06:34 PM']But I thought you were gay, Jamie...
[right][post="127600"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post][/right][/quote]


More of the Micheal Moore lies. [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/33.gif[/img]

[Guest CTBengalsFan]

Yea... the most popular sport in the world sucks...

if anyone thinks soccer is a pussy sport you obviously never watch it or know anything about it. Watch the English Premier League, it's fuckin brutal, and all they have on are 7 inch thin pads on your shins. I don't care if you hate it or not, but I hate when people disrespect it because they're ign0rant. Over a BILLION people watched the last World Cup. Name ONE other sport that could EVER draw that audience.

Do me a favor and call your boss a fuckin cuddly wuddly teddy bear

[Guest steggyD]

[quote name='CTBengalsFan' date='Aug 9 2005, 07:50 PM']Yea... the most popular sport in the world sucks...

if anyone thinks soccer is a pussy sport you obviously never watch it or know anything about it.  Watch the English Premier League, it's fuckin brutal, and all they have on are 7 inch thin pads on your shins.  I don't care if you hate it or not, but I hate when people disrespect it because they're ign0rant.  Over a BILLION people watched the last World Cup.  Name ONE other sport that could EVER draw that audience.

Do me a favor and call your boss a fuckin cuddly wuddly teddy bear
[right][post="127617"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post][/right][/quote]
[b]GAY[/b]

[Nati Ice]

ignorance is bliss

[Khatmandude]

[quote name='CTBengalsFan' date='Aug 9 2005, 08:20 PM']Yea... the most popular sport in the world sucks...

if anyone thinks soccer is a pussy sport you obviously never watch it or know anything about it.  Watch the English Premier League, it's fuckin brutal, and all they have on are 7 inch thin pads on your shins.  I don't care if you hate it or not, but I hate when people disrespect it because they're ign0rant.  Over a BILLION people watched the last World Cup.  Name ONE other sport that could EVER draw that audience.

Do me a favor and call your boss a fuckin cuddly wuddly teddy bear
[right][post="127617"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post][/right][/quote]

[img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/41.gif[/img]

Jaime, your boss is an idio+.

[Guest BadassBengal]

[quote name='CTBengalsFan' date='Aug 9 2005, 06:50 PM']Yea... the most popular sport in the world sucks...

if anyone thinks soccer is a pussy sport you obviously never watch it or know anything about it.  Watch the English Premier League, it's fuckin brutal, and all they have on are 7 inch thin pads on your shins.  I don't care if you hate it or not, but I hate when people disrespect it because they're ign0rant.  Over a BILLION people watched the last World Cup.  Name ONE other sport that could EVER draw that audience.

Do me a favor and call your boss a fuckin cuddly wuddly teddy bear
[right][post="127617"][/post][/right][/quote]

Is it just me, or do I smell queer?

Soccer is gay...

[Jamie_B]

[img]http://reggaespectrum.com/Jokes_Photo/soccer003.jpg[/img]

Kiss me you fool!!

[-GoBengals-]

[quote name='BadassBengal' date='Aug 9 2005, 10:16 PM']Is it just me, or do I smell queer? 

Soccer is gay...
[right][post="127706"][/post][/right][/quote]


[quote name='Jamie_B' date='Aug 9 2005, 10:31 PM'][img]http://reggaespectrum.com/Jokes_Photo/soccer003.jpg[/img]

Kiss me you fool!!
[right][post="127721"][/post][/right][/quote]



soccer does suck... any sport where you dont use your hands sucks ass, its like riverdance in cleats... if you like soccer, fine, but dont get mad when the rest of the country thinks its gay... and being the most popular sport in the world means nothing, .. i live in america, if it wasnt created here its CLEARLY crap..... duh...

except cars... amercan cars suck... suck ass...

[Guest BengalBacker]

I'd rather go shopping with my wife than watch soccer.

[natifanatic]

Soccer is the only sport that sucks to watch AND play. The field is like 4,000 feet long and getting from one side to the other is like watching an entire leg of the Tour de France. And what the hell kind of sport counts UP on their game clock??

Top sports that suck to watch:

1. Soccer
2. Nascar
3. Cheerleading
4. Fishing
5. Board game world championships (besides chess, because I'm the kind of nerd who would LOVE to watch that)

Yes I am also saying I'd rather be a cheerleader (you get to be around hot chicks), or watch cheerleading than have to watch soccer.


As for the whole Madden fiasco, ESPN should still release a game with all the teams cities and colors. Just change the mascot of the team, and change the players first letters to opposite. e.g. Carson Palmer becomes Parson Calmer. Of course that would suck for players who have the same letter for the first and last name like Steve Smith, but I bet they could figure out something. I would rather have good gameplay than everything be so damn perfect.

[Jamie_B]

[quote name='natifanatic' date='Aug 10 2005, 05:04 PM']Soccer is the only sport that sucks to watch AND play.  The field is like 4,000 feet long and getting from one side to the other is like watching an entire leg of the Tour de France.  And what the hell kind of sport counts UP on their game clock??

Top sports that suck to watch:

1. Soccer
2. Nascar
3. Cheerleading
4. Fishing
5. Board game world championships (besides chess, because I'm the kind of nerd who would LOVE to watch that)

Yes I am also saying I'd rather be a cheerleader (you get to be around hot chicks), or watch cheerleading than have to watch soccer.
As for the whole Madden fiasco, ESPN should still release a game with all the teams cities and colors.  Just change the mascot of the team, and change the players first letters to opposite.  e.g. Carson Palmer becomes Parson Calmer.  Of course that would suck for players who have the same letter for the first and last name like Steve Smith, but I bet they could figure out something.  I would rather have good gameplay than everything be so damn perfect.
[right][post="128191"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post][/right][/quote]


2 things, Id replace cheerleading on your list with the World Eating Championships....and If ESPN did that they'd get sued.

[Guest bengalrick]

[quote name='natifanatic' date='Aug 10 2005, 04:04 PM']Soccer is the only sport that sucks to watch AND play.  The field is like 4,000 feet long and getting from one side to the other is like watching an entire leg of the Tour de France.  [b]And what the hell kind of sport counts UP on their game clock??[/b]

Top sports that suck to watch:

1. Soccer
2. Nascar
3. Cheerleading
4. Fishing
5. Board game world championships (besides chess, because I'm the kind of nerd who would LOVE to watch that)

Yes I am also saying I'd rather be a cheerleader (you get to be around hot chicks), or watch cheerleading than have to watch soccer.
As for the whole Madden fiasco, ESPN should still release a game with all the teams cities and colors.  Just change the mascot of the team, and change the players first letters to opposite.  e.g. Carson Palmer becomes Parson Calmer.  Of course that would suck for players who have the same letter for the first and last name like Steve Smith, but I bet they could figure out something.  I would rather have good gameplay than everything be so damn perfect.
[right][post="128191"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post][/right][/quote]

and then when time runs out, it is almost never done... i watched alittle during the world cup and whenever time "ran out" they kept playing and the refs would blow the whistle about 5 or 10 minutes later... what they hell is up w/ that?

[Guest CTBengalsFan]

[quote name='bengalrick' date='Aug 10 2005, 04:26 PM']and then when time runs out, it is almost never done... i watched alittle during the world cup and whenever time "ran out" they kept playing and the refs would blow the whistle about 5 or 10 minutes later... what they hell is up w/ that?
[right][post="128223"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post][/right][/quote]


If someone gets injured or there's a long stoppage they add the time on at the end.

I think people just have a problem with sports where teams might only score once or twice a game because they have no attention span.

[Hooky]

[quote name='CTBengalsFan' date='Aug 10 2005, 11:38 PM']If someone gets injured or there's a long stoppage they add the time on at the end.

I think people just have a problem with sports where teams might only score once or twice a game because they have no attention span.
[right][post="128519"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post][/right][/quote]

No attention span=bored out of one's skull

How could anyone think that soccer is more entertaining than rugby? Rugby legend claims that rugby started when Webb Ellis was playing soccer, got bored out of his mind and picked up the ball and ran it to the other end of the field and touched it down. Enough footsie shit, nice job Webb.

[Jamie_B]

[quote name='Hooky' date='Aug 11 2005, 02:55 PM']No attention span=bored out of one's skull

How could anyone think that soccer is more entertaining than rugby?  Rugby legend claims that rugby started when Webb Ellis was playing soccer, got bored out of his mind and picked up the ball and ran it to the other end of the field and touched it down. Enough footsie shit, nice job Webb.
[right][post="128864"][/post][/right][/quote]


Rugby is a poor mans version of Australian Rules Football.

[Hooky]

[quote name='BengalBacker' date='Aug 10 2005, 02:09 AM']I'd rather go shopping with my wife than watch soccer.
[right][post="127762"][/post][/right][/quote]

I'd rather go shopping with Backer's wife using my credit card, than watch soccer.

[Guest oldschooler]

[quote name='CTBengalsFan' date='Aug 10 2005, 09:38 PM']I think people just have a problem with sports where teams might only score once or twice a game because they have no attention span.
[right][post="128519"][/post][/right][/quote]



Huh ? ......What did you say ?
I wasn`t paying attention.



Oh yeah....I like baseball...they only score 1 or 2 runs sometimes.
Anyway I`d rather dance with my ex-Mother in-law than watch soccer...

[Guest Enon Bengal]

[quote name='Hooky' date='Aug 11 2005, 02:55 PM']
No attention span=bored out of one's skull

=nap time [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons//28.gif[/img] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons//28.gif[/img] [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons//28.gif[/img]

[KingStripes]

[quote name='CTBengalsFan' date='Aug 9 2005, 05:50 PM']Yea... the most popular sport in the world sucks...

if anyone thinks soccer is a pussy sport you obviously never watch it or know anything about it.  Watch the English Premier League, it's fuckin brutal, and all they have on are 7 inch thin pads on your shins.  I don't care if you hate it or not, but I hate when people disrespect it because they're ign0rant.  Over a BILLION people watched the last World Cup.  Name ONE other sport that could EVER draw that audience.

Do me a favor and call your boss a fuckin cuddly wuddly teddy bear
[right][post="127617"]<{POST_SNAPBACK}>[/post][/right][/quote]

I tottally agree with this post.
Its stupid to hate without really knowing the sport. (Or proving facts that everyone has to hate it because some people do)
As for your boss, I really think there is nothing more stupid than his [quote]I can only hypothesize that most of the soccer players are barely evolved enough to use their arms and legs and find this a challenging sport.[/quote] That is just stupid. If there is a sport that is totally Ice age is football, only rugby is worst, but just to say football is evolved when the only thing to the game is to smack the shit out of the guy with the football is just stupid.
I love football and I also defend it, but that is just a stupid argument, and as you guys ditch soccer, in other countries they laugh about football, actually there is a theater play where they just mock football all day. Its a play where a man goes back to the ice age and only needs the basic fun. His girl, food and to kill the guy with the football.
Anyways the entire madden thing is bad, because competition is allways good, but I think its stupid for your boss to say all those things, ultimately if people wanted to play "dress stawberry shortcake" instead of madden it is their damn free time.

[Guest BengalBacker]

Soccer fans sure are touchy.