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best one-liners


~mroby30~

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[quote name='Hooky' date='Mar 31 2005, 11:49 AM']On the subject and off-topic at the same time, on Howard Stern's website, it says that Mitch Hedberg passed away.  There's no details and I couldn't find a 2nd source to prove it.  Whether he died or not, I'll find some of his one liners.  A couple off the top of my head:

I know whether or not my shirt is clean if the label says "Dry clean only."

I had a parrot that could talk, but he didn't know how to say "I'm hungry.", so he died.
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Oh man that sucks, nothing on Mitch's website about the validity of it, but I dont know why Stern would put it up if it werent true.
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[quote name='Hooky' date='Mar 31 2005, 03:17 PM']Tomorrow is April Fool's, but that's tomorrow, not today.  Which would make the prank illegal.  If it is one.
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Reported on Comedy Central too...

[url="http://www.comedycentral.com/standup/central/detail.jhtml?p=/comedians/h/mitch_hedberg.xml"]http://www.comedycentral.com/standup/centr...tch_hedberg.xml[/url]

This sucks, for all that have never seen him I advise you to go get his latest CD/DVD "All Together" its some of the funniest stuff youll hear.
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Guest oldschooler

Yo momma's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant,
she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.





Yo momma's so fat, she can't even jump to a conclusion.





Yo momma's so fat, she made weight watchers go blind. :blink:

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Yo momma’s so fat and old, When God said "Let There be Light", He told her to move her fat ass out of the way.

Yo momma’s so fat that she has to wear two watches cuz she takes up two time zones.

Yo momma’s so fat she takes posters not pictures.

Yo momma’s so fat she started singing "we are family, McDonalds, Burger King and me".

Yo momma’s so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts!
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[quote name='Jason' date='Apr 6 2005, 12:00 PM']Last night my girlfriend asked me to take her someplace expensive.

So I took her to the gas station.
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[img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/24.gif[/img]

Now a days thats too true. [img]http://forum.go-bengals.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/3.gif[/img]
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