Guest steggyD Posted February 26, 2006 Report Share Posted February 26, 2006 Has anyone seen the movie, "The Story of US"? It almost perfectly eerily describes our relationship, minus the job details and such. Of course our kids don't happen to be going to a summer camp anytime soon, so that doesn't help any. But the details of the relationship are about as exact as they come. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest steggyD Posted February 26, 2006 Report Share Posted February 26, 2006 Ok, everyone, I'm taking my kids and putting us in a hotel room. That's where my tax refund is going now, yay! Anyways, it has internet access, so I can keep in touch here and other places, as well. But my wife only speaks of her needs and how she feels more independent and how she needs time. Well, she's going to get it now. I will let her know where I'm at with the children, so that there are no legal problems. Peace, time to be good to myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest oldschooler Posted February 26, 2006 Report Share Posted February 26, 2006 [quote name='steggyD' post='223147' date='Feb 26 2006, 10:50 AM']Ok, everyone, I'm taking my kids and putting us in a hotel room. That's where my tax refund is going now, yay! Anyways, it has internet access, so I can keep in touch here and other places, as well. But my wife only speaks of her needs and how she feels more independent and how she needs time. Well, she's going to get it now. I will let her know where I'm at with the children, so that there are no legal problems. Peace, time to be good to myself.[/quote] Good luck. Hope everything works out for the best, ecspecially as far as you and your kids go. Like I said above, if you need someone to talk to, I`m here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest steggyD Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 Thanks guys, for the support. She went and talked to her mother today, and now she finally agrees to marriage counseling. I will be back home today, even though I am in trouble for the cash I spent on the room. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BengalBacker Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 [quote name='steggyD' post='223332' date='Feb 26 2006, 07:50 PM']Thanks guys, for the support. She went and talked to her mother today, and now she finally agrees to marriage counseling. I will be back home today, even though I am in trouble for the cash I spent on the room.[/quote] That's great !!! Hope you two can make it work !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest oldschooler Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 [quote name='BengalBacker' post='223333' date='Feb 26 2006, 06:55 PM'][quote name='steggyD' post='223332' date='Feb 26 2006, 07:50 PM'] Thanks guys, for the support. She went and talked to her mother today, and now she finally agrees to marriage counseling. I will be back home today, even though I am in trouble for the cash I spent on the room.[/quote] That's great !!! Hope you two can make it work !!! [/quote] I agree with Backer...that`s great ! Hopefully you two will get the help you need to make things right. Good luck ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
85fanwilkes Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 Yeah I hope all goes well for you steggy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamie_B Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 [quote name='steggyD' post='223332' date='Feb 26 2006, 07:50 PM']Thanks guys, for the support. She went and talked to her mother today, and now she finally agrees to marriage counseling. I will be back home today, even though I am in trouble for the cash I spent on the room.[/quote] Im so gladd to hear this, Im gonna keep ya in my prayers, I hope things work out for ya. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Le Tigre Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 Small steps lead to big leaps. Keep shovelin', as Marvin says. After nearly 14 years...both the better half and I have had to take a lot of small steps to keep this thing going. It's also called growth...perserverance...and love. As long as there are two dancers...you can keep dancing. All cliches aside Steg...keep working at it. I'm betting you guys succeed in the end. Best wishes, and may God bless you both. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest steggyD Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 Well, if anything comes out of this, it will be a thinner me. My nerves have been such a wreck that I can barely eat. And I've quit my liquid diet. I've lost one belt loop in this past week. That way I can be sexy to pick up a replacement if this all goes bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BengalsOwn Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 [quote name='steggyD' post='221868' date='Feb 23 2006, 12:49 PM']Without going too deep into my problems, I'll vaguely describe my problem. It's marital problems. I'm not sure if any of you know my situation, but I'm about 3 months away from a BFA degree, and I have one hell of a senior thesis to work on. However, I cannot concentrate with these marital/emotional problems. We have been talking, arguing, but not clearing it all up. I need to finish my thesis, in order to graduate and maybe end up paying alimony and child support. How do I clear my head? Any of you older people around here been through troubled marriages? I can't concentrate. It's noon, and I'm 3 beers deep, playing fuckin' video games, when I should be working hard on my thesis. It's bothering me too much. I've put ten fuckin' years into this relationship, and decided to go to school to make my money-hungry wife happy, and now we have "problems". What's the cure? I'm too close to my degree and possibly a good career to throw it all away, but damn, it's killing me.[/quote] I know the feeling man. My wife and I have split up after 2.5 years of marriage. It's 7 months after we moved into our brand new house, and 4 months after I bought a new Jeep Grand Cherokee, and it was a week before I started a new job. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. She's already moved out into her own apartment, and I've already paid her off to keep her from making me have to sell my new house. Now I just have to sell my Jeep, and then go from there. You should look around for some books or something on Amazon.com, and have her read one and you read the other, something about restoring love in your marriage, or whatever. That's what I did, but she hasn't read hers yet and has no desire to try and fix things, which I think is fucked up because that is what marriage is all about, staying together no matter what until you die. I realize there are some instances where its' better off ending things, but that definitely isn't the case with me and her. Good luck man. Hope it all works out. I figured that if I could get her to come back to me, that I'd take her on one of those weekend long marriage retreat deals, or something. Whatever it takes really, because that should be the case when you actually get married. My way of dealing with this definitely isn't the best way, and hasn't helped any. I just go to work everyday (AMAZINGLY), and go home and drink beer until it's time to go to bed, and then I do the same thing the next day. I also bought a plasma TV and 7.1 surround sound, for some "consumer therapy", but that only kept me occupied for a couple of days or so. It's still pretty sweet though Let me know if you ever need anything, I've been going through this since the beginning of January. Send me a PM, or if you want my phone # I can give that to you as well if you need to talk. I'm lucky there's no kids involved. It's nice to see that your mother in law wants you and her to work it out. My stupid mother in law, and probably all of my sister in laws are encouraging her to end it, but hey when your family gets divorced all the time I guess it doesn't matter to them... Again, good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BengalsOwn Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 and of course she isn't willing to go to marriage counseling either. really really pisses me off. And I did a lot of wrong, especially back in the first year of marriage. I can't explain what happened, but I guess the shock of all of a sudden being married, having lots of bills, having the responsibility of owning a house and a rental property, and managing money all took a toll on me, and I didn't put in any effort to make things good in our marriage. Then I started working nights, which just made things worse. When I was working nights, she ended up fooling around with someone else while I was at work. However that has since passed, and things were going pretty good. She just couldn't let go of the past, and I guess I couldn't let go of it either, but I think I did a lot better job than she did of forgetting the past, even though the things that I screwed up weren't anywhere close to as bad as her having an affair... At least I'm young I guess... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BengalsOwn Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 And the real kick in the balls is that she acknowledges that she beleives that we could work things out, but she just doesn't want to be married anymore. That one hurt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest oldschooler Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 Damn Own...I had no idea that you were going through all that. Last time I heard you were moving into the new house. You`re doing a hell of a job dealing with it. Some people would just lay down and feel sorry for theirselves. I can understand using the alcohol for a crutch. But you can`t keep drinking your pain away. Best to just deal with it head on and sober. Like you said at least you`re still young and didn`t have kids. My advice to Steggy goes for you too. Just try to make her see how much you love her and only when you`re sure that things are truly over, should you move on and start playing the field again. If you think there is still a chance...then don`t start something else unitl you`re sure that this relationship has ended. I`m sure you know all of that... Anyway, if you need someone to talk to...feel free to PM me. I`d be more than happy to help you as much as I can.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bengals_12th_Man Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 Man, it seems like everyone is going through some serious shit, me included. I'm sorry that all of you have had to go through this. Steggy: It sounds like your wife does want to at least try and work things out. The thing you need to focus on is getting that thesis done! Keep in mind that no matter what happens, at least you'll have that degree. Think of providing for your children, not yourself. I hope that would be enough "motivation" for you. You seem like a good man to me, considering the circumstances. It won't be easy, and I don't know all of the issues, but with some hard work I think you will stay together. Own: I'm sorry to say, it sounds like your wife doesn't want to keep things going. From the little tidbits I've heard from you about your wife, it seems that she may have some issues. Her relationship with her father plays a big roll in how she looks at men. Who knows, for all I know she may just need some time get her feelings strait. Give her that, and she may come back. Know this, no matter what happens, love is somewhere out there for you, whether its with her or not. Both of you will be in my prayers.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest steggyD Posted February 27, 2006 Report Share Posted February 27, 2006 Yeah, Own, now you make me feel bad about my problems. I'm not at that point, and I hope not to. The problem about this house that we own together is that her inheritance helped pay for it while I was going through school for a degree. So, I haven't been making as much money or saving any, so I have nothing saved up for myself. Technically, everything is hers, but it's not. Since I've been trying to go to school, I haven't had the opportunity to put in as much money. I work here and there, when I need to, but not consistently. We've always had enough to get by without it. So then it could also look as if she put me through school, and I owe her the money I make in alimony, since she supported me. I would be in a very tough spot financially if it came down to divorce. Not that that is the driving factor here, but it does make things seem scary. Then I feel that we could not even be friends if we had to fight over cash. And I would hate for the kids to have parents who don't even talk to each other. Anyways, good luck to you too, Own, and sorry man. Hope I didn't bring up any bad memories. Or maybe it will feel good for you to get some things off your chest too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boomer07 Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 [quote name='steggyD' post='223790' date='Feb 27 2006, 06:48 PM']Yeah, Own, now you make me feel bad about my problems. I'm not at that point, and I hope not to. The problem about this house that we own together is that her inheritance helped pay for it while I was going through school for a degree. So, I haven't been making as much money or saving any, so I have nothing saved up for myself. Technically, everything is hers, but it's not. Since I've been trying to go to school, I haven't had the opportunity to put in as much money. I work here and there, when I need to, but not consistently. We've always had enough to get by without it. [b]So then it could also look as if she put me through school, and I owe her the money I make in alimony, since she supported me.[/b] I would be in a very tough spot financially if it came down to divorce. Not that that is the driving factor here, but it does make things seem scary. Then I feel that we could not even be friends if we had to fight over cash. And I would hate for the kids to have parents who don't even talk to each other. Anyways, good luck to you too, Own, and sorry man. Hope I didn't bring up any bad memories. Or maybe it will feel good for you to get some things off your chest too.[/quote] Actually, I think that if she has been supporting you then she could actually end up owing [u]you[/u] alimony. It works both ways, from what I understand. Granted, I'm no lawyer. I think that according to the law, any money or assets either of you posses during your marriage, belong to both of you 50/50. So you had just as much right to spend the money on your schooling as she did. It wasn't her's... it was both of your's. I urge you to do the counselling first, though. It'll be hard, but you need to be strong enough to work through it. Hopefully, she will too. If, and only if, you think counselling isn't going to work out, talk to a lawyer. Sooner rather than later. BTW, good job on quitting the drinking, man. Stick with it until this is over. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 Steggy, Own and 12th man I hope everything works out for the best for you guys Just remember every person and situation is different and the best decisions you can make in life will come from your own gut feelings. Sometimes you have to take a step back to find your gut feelings because your love will interfere with it, remember that people who are deceptive or selfish now will likely be the same 20 years from now, not saying that people can't change but living with someone with the hopes that they will change can be miserable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stork48 Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 Dude, i am new here and you dont know me for shit, but one thing i can tell you is after reading this thread i know you have a lot of people here who know you and care about you. I'm sure that 5 years from now, no matter what happens, you will look back on this and laugh your ass off. best of luck with your life, stork Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest steggyD Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 I'll have to admit, these people here are wonderful. And today, my wife and I sat down for a few hours, and had nice conversations. We didn't bring up the relationship, or the lackthereof. We didn't talk about divorce, we didn't speak of sex or any of the other things that are bothering us. We spoke about.... stuff. About her work, about ourselves, all kinds of nice conversation. And guess what I got, the one thing I have been missing for so long. Her attention. Instead of staring forward into a television or some other pointless object, she turned towards me and looked at me while we spoke. That felt so good, it seriously has been so long since she's looked at me like that. I know, it sounds pathetic, but oh well, I'm gonna take the baby-steps. And thank you everyone, for being there. Whenever I get to a game in Cincy, I'm gonna have to buy up some drinks and nachos for everyone. Maybe I can win the Mega, haha. Also, I feel good about myself now. I'm back to work on my school stuff, not playing any computer games, and no beer either. They will come back, of course, but in small amounts, once I feel that I've accomplished enough. I just hope things keep sailing smoothly, because I can't stand too many more rocks in the road. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
|Bunghole| Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 I've been following this thread and not replying for fear of exposing the truths of my own bad relationships.... Here's my wisdom to all involved:1) Don't beg. If you have to beg for affection, you and the relationship are pathetic. 2) Don't get into a relationship with someone simply because you need a security blanket 3) Be willing to admit that you are part of the problem in the relationship if you in fact seek counseling. 4) Dont lose faith in the Bengals! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BengalBacker Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 Damn Own, that sucks. I thought you'd been a little extra cranky in some of your posts lately. I'm starting to think that marriages should be like a 5 year lease. After 5 years if you both want to sign up for 5 more, cool. If not, you go your separate ways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BengalsOwn Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 [quote name='steggyD' post='223953' date='Feb 28 2006, 12:29 AM']I'll have to admit, these people here are wonderful. And today, my wife and I sat down for a few hours, and had nice conversations. We didn't bring up the relationship, or the lackthereof. We didn't talk about divorce, we didn't speak of sex or any of the other things that are bothering us. We spoke about.... stuff. About her work, about ourselves, all kinds of nice conversation. And guess what I got, the one thing I have been missing for so long. Her attention. Instead of staring forward into a television or some other pointless object, she turned towards me and looked at me while we spoke. That felt so good, it seriously has been so long since she's looked at me like that. I know, it sounds pathetic, but oh well, I'm gonna take the baby-steps. And thank you everyone, for being there. Whenever I get to a game in Cincy, I'm gonna have to buy up some drinks and nachos for everyone. Maybe I can win the Mega, haha. Also, I feel good about myself now. I'm back to work on my school stuff, not playing any computer games, and no beer either. They will come back, of course, but in small amounts, once I feel that I've accomplished enough. I just hope things keep sailing smoothly, because I can't stand too many more rocks in the road.[/quote] That's wierd, my wife and I had our first meaningful conversation last night in 3 months. I think a little progress was made, but not much unfortunately. It was still nice though. It gave me a little hope anyways. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BengalsOwn Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 And thanks everyone for the support. It's the worst thing to ever happen to me. It feels good to get it out in the open a little bit. I can't really talk to any of my friends about it, because none of them have any marriage experience, and they just get me drunk when they're around. I can talk to my parents a little bit about it, but all my mom wants to do is convince me that I didn't do anything wrong and that it's all her fault, and of course, I don't really talk to my dad about it, I imagine that's a pretty normal father/son relationship... I work with a lady who's been through it, she sits across from me, and I can talk to her about it, which makes it nice. She's also Emelio Estevez's first cousin, as well as Charlie Sheen's first cousin, which is kinda cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BengalBeotch Posted February 28, 2006 Report Share Posted February 28, 2006 Steggy and Own...That is wonderful for both of you! Noone ever told us how hard marriage would be and how hard we would have to work at it... I think we've all been through a little bit of personal hell in our marriages and lives....I'm glad I'm part of this dysfunctional family and I've made some very dear friends from this board... one friend imparticular from this board carried me thru one of my darkest moments in my life, I've hugged him one time and feel like I owe him everything. Just talking about it and getting opinions from other people here helps...if anything, it makes you THINK before you react.... Good Luck guys! Keep COMMUNICATING....calmly and sincerely.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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