|Bunghole| Posted April 26, 2011 Report Share Posted April 26, 2011 Thread title says it all. How much of a shit head were you? I'll start: 1) In 4th grade a buddy of mine and I both had a crush on a 6th grade girl. Problem was, we reckoned, she had a boyfriend that was also a 6th grader (of course it didn't occur to us that as we were two years younger that she wouldn't have had anything to do with us regardless) and we decided the boyfriend had to go so we could share her (???). Anyway, I concocted an evil plan. I authored a note to the girl, calling her every manner of filthy name I knew at that age, told her I wanted nothing to do with her anymore, and signed her boyfriend's name to it. Needless to say, it didn't have the desired effect and I got paddled by the VP for my troubles. 2) In 8th grade I pooped into my little brother's ice cream. Not a lot, just a little nugget, and to this day I cannot tell you what overcame me to do it. He had left it unattended is all, so naturally I had to mess with it as his punishment. So he comes back, takes a couple bites (while I am barely able to contain myself), makes a face, has the audacity to say "this ice cream tastes like SHIT!" as he's spitting it out over the deck railing, and I say "That's because it IS!" and die laughing. His response was "I wondered why the flies were buzzing all around it!" 3) When I had my first tape recorder when I was about 7, I used to smack my brother in the face, record his cries and my mother subsequently yelling at me for it and then I would re-live the entire sordid episode later with the recorder under my pillow, laughing like the evil little fuck I was then. 4) In 9th grade me and two friends all had pump action bb guns, and we were walking along some train tracks in the woods near where we lived (Burke Virginia) at the time, taking potshots at random stuff. Eventually a train came along. We immediately decided to hop under the nearby trestle bridge where you could see in between the two sets of tracks and the oncoming slow train was on the left track coming towards us. We though it would be a capital idea to shoot at the train. Ridiculous, we thought. A BB against a train! Nevertheless, along comes the train, we're shouldering our rifles, my friend Brent says "Aim for the windows!" and I yelled back that I didn't think it was a good idea. In one of those moments where time literally seemed to stand still, he looked at me with a shit-eating grin and said "What are they gonna do, stop the train?". So, we aimed and shot. I distinctly recall hearing two of the shots plinking harmlessly off the front of the engine. The third shot, Brent's I think, was an amazingly lucky shot. I saw the narrow, rectangular engineer's window at the front of the train spiderweb with milky colored cracks. Brent yelled that he had hit it, started to high-five me, and then.....SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE went the sound of the brakes on the train. "They're stopping the train...RUN!" The train was going only about 5 mph or so I think, and so it stopped a lot faster than we bargained for. We boogied into the adjacent woods and I looked back and saw a man jumping off the caboose yelling "Hey!". Fortunately, we got away. 5) Along the lines of others posting here, my friends and I when I lived in Fort Worth would get high and wander the neighborhood after dark, throwing rocks as hard, high and far as we could into the random side streets. Being rewarded with a satisfying tinkle of glass, we would then run. 6) Another favorite Fort Worth past time was to toss M-80's out of any car we were riding in. I once tossed one into a creek where little kids were playing nearby. The loud *boom* and the huge upsurge of water scared the shit out of them. 7) We also had a hobby called "ass mastering" where a friend and I would drive around, looking for female joggers, preferably wearing a walkman. When we found one, my friend would drive up really slow and sneaky like alongside the woman (who couldn't hear our approach) and I would lean out the car window and administer a resounding smack on her butt cheeks and quickly drive away. We really thought that one was pretty funny. Looking back, I was not a very good person in those days, and now that I have little kids of my own, I fear retribution is nigh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
|Elflocko| Posted April 26, 2011 Report Share Posted April 26, 2011 And does anyone here harbor any doubt as to[b] why[/b] his kid tried to destroy the site? Looks like evil is genetic... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
|Bunghole| Posted April 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 26, 2011 [quote name='Elflocko' timestamp='1303854448' post='986019'] And does anyone here harbor any doubt as to[b] why[/b] his kid tried to destroy the site? Looks like evil is genetic... [/quote] I'm a different person now, I swear! Some of these things are pretty funny, you have to admit... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MULLY Posted April 27, 2011 Report Share Posted April 27, 2011 God, did you really have to open this can of worms? My biggest thing when I was a kid was stealing. I would steal anything in sight. There was a drug store across the street from where I lived. God only knows how many comic books, cartons of cigarettes, gum, candies etc... were lifted out of there. My thieving came to an end one day when I was at the local butcher shop/local mom and pop grocery. The owner was a good friend of my mom's and he let me work there to make spending money. I was only about 11 or so. Sweeping floors, stocking shelves etc... Well, 2 packs of Marlboro's went into my pocket and guess what? He was watching. Took me straight to my mom. I got the shit kicked out of me. Haven't stolen anything since then except the occasional walk away with someone's lighter.....which isn't intentional. In the 7th grade I took a shit on the floor at school. One day, in 9th grade, I was in shop class and I looked out into the hall and someone had left their book bag sitting next to their locker. Went out and snatched it up. Took all of the textbooks and sawed them in quarters on the band saw. He also had a pair of those wool lined, rubber duck boots in there too. Those promptly got filled up with water, poured out, the filled with saw dust. I then placed everything back in the bag and tossed it back out where I found it. Never did get busted for that one. Various yard jobs on the dickhead jocks from school. Throwing eggs at cars. Shooting bottle rockets at cars. Blowing shit up with M80's. I think most of us have a list from a time when we had access to fireworks. There is one thing though. The fire alarm got pulled at school one day while I was out of class going to the bathroom. I got busted for it. I swear to God it wasn't me. I'm 43 years old now and would admit it in heartbeat. It wasn't me. I've never pulled a fire alarm in my life. BB guns: Shot my little brother in the back of the head with one of those Daisy pump rifles. Remember those? You'd pump it like 10 times to get the maximum shot out of it? You could shoot BB's or pellets. God only knows how many animals got shot with that thing. I'd shoot birds off the fence all the time. One time I squirrel got loose in my basement and I found it wedged down in a box. No way to grab the little bastard so I grabbed the BB gun, put it as close to his head as I could get it and killed him. I never really did anything bad when I was high though. We just liked to party. All of my badness came when I was straight. MULLY I still have urges to splash people at bus stops, but I stop myself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamie_B Posted April 27, 2011 Report Share Posted April 27, 2011 HA! I did the Eggs at cars bit, we would ride around the neighborhood in germany and throw them at the german cars. Also we figured out that the food vending machines that the ice cream sandwhich ones could be pushed enough to the side to let you get a two for one deal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
|Bunghole| Posted April 27, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 27, 2011 I thought everyone pooped in their little brother's ice cream. Its a rite of passage! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rumble In the Jungle Posted May 13, 2011 Report Share Posted May 13, 2011 me and my friends I won't say where cause this could prolly get me arrested till this day but me and some friends our freshman yr in college robbed a gas company big time! We got a pickup truck, wire cutters and black ski masks and stole about 28 tall boys nitrous tanks! we had a party for weeks! then we sold the rest to some fish head guy that follows fish around the country. $5 dollar balloons and the money kept coming like crazy lol. I'm not sure that I should be sharing this on here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigris Posted May 14, 2011 Report Share Posted May 14, 2011 Hahaha!! 3) was funny as hell. And by the way, I don't think I've done anything remotely close to that stuff. I was always the kid who thought "mom will whip my ass if she caught me, I better just sit this one out". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigris Posted May 14, 2011 Report Share Posted May 14, 2011 I guess I did do something really bad once... Senior year, days before graduation. Me and 4 other classmates took Round Up and poured it all over the football field in the middle of the night once. We were on the field for about 5 minutes and probably on the school's property for maybe 15 minutes. As we were leaving we saw a cop's lights come on... I was sitting in the bed of the truck, thought quick, and threw all the Round Up bottles as far into a field as I could (my dad actually went back the next day and picked up the evidence for me, thanks dad). So, we get pulled over (just on the edge of the parking lot) and the driver tells the officer we were looking for his wallet he left out on the softball field during gym class. The officer called bull shit but there's was no proof we did anything but trespass... grass doesn't start dying for a couple days. Well, graduation comes around and the field looks like shit. We graduated on the field so it was pretty cool to know how it got that way... it was the talk of the whole ceremony. One of my buddies (who wasn't with us) asked me if I did for he had heard I was one of the culprits. Wasn't long after that 3 of the 5 of us turned ourselves in (dumped were there were warrants out and it seemed like everyone knew already). Immediately, one of the guys with me spills his guts about the other two. That was about the only funny thing about that whole ordeal. Anyway, we got $7,000 in fines and repairs, year prohbation w/ 10:30 curfew, year ban from being on Miami Trace property, 30 days suspended jail, and 40 hours community service done over 3 days. Oh yeah, and word got out from one of the fuckers with us bragging at a party about it a couple days after it happened. I always thought that kid was stupid. Why we were with him that night, I'll never know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigris Posted May 14, 2011 Report Share Posted May 14, 2011 One more...this was when I was just a real little guy. I remember in Sunday school I would crawl under the table and grab girl's vaginas and speed crawl on the other side of the table like I never knew anything about it. I was just so fascinated with them. I wanted to see what kind of sound it would make if I touched it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MULLY Posted May 14, 2011 Report Share Posted May 14, 2011 [quote name='Tigris' timestamp='1305341075' post='992614'] One more...this was when I was just a real little guy. I remember in Sunday school I would crawl under the table and grab girl's vaginas and speed crawl on the other side of the table like I never knew anything about it. I was just so fascinated with them. I wanted to see what kind of sound it would make if I touched it. [/quote] Don't even get me started on the sexual offenders crimes. My mom was a dance teacher and every year she would put a show on at Harvest Home festival up in Cheviot. One year, while all the girls were in the tent changing, I snuck up outside the tent, whistled for everyone that was in the area to look, then I flipped the side of the tent up. Tits and ass everywhere. Ahh, those good old days. MULLY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
|Bunghole| Posted May 14, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 14, 2011 [quote name='Tigris' timestamp='1305340715' post='992613'] I guess I did do something really bad once... Senior year, days before graduation. Me and 4 other classmates took Round Up and poured it all over the football field in the middle of the night once. We were on the field for about 5 minutes and probably on the school's property for maybe 15 minutes. As we were leaving we saw a cop's lights come on... I was sitting in the bed of the truck, thought quick, and threw all the Round Up bottles as far into a field as I could (my dad actually went back the next day and picked up the evidence for me, thanks dad). So, we get pulled over (just on the edge of the parking lot) and the driver tells the officer we were looking for his wallet he left out on the softball field during gym class. The officer called bull shit but there's was no proof we did anything but trespass... grass doesn't start dying for a couple days. Well, graduation comes around and the field looks like shit. We graduated on the field so it was pretty cool to know how it got that way... it was the talk of the whole ceremony. One of my buddies (who wasn't with us) asked me if I did for he had heard I was one of the culprits. Wasn't long after that 3 of the 5 of us turned ourselves in (dumped were there were warrants out and it seemed like everyone knew already). Immediately, one of the guys with me spills his guts about the other two. That was about the only funny thing about that whole ordeal. Anyway, we got $7,000 in fines and repairs, year prohbation w/ 10:30 curfew, year ban from being on Miami Trace property, 30 days suspended jail, and 40 hours community service done over 3 days. Oh yeah, and word got out from one of the fuckers with us bragging at a party about it a couple days after it happened. I always thought that kid was stupid. Why we were with him that night, I'll never know. [/quote] Why didn't you guys pour the Round Up onto the field in such a way that it spelled something out? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigris Posted May 15, 2011 Report Share Posted May 15, 2011 [quote name='Bunghole' timestamp='1305379262' post='992641'] Why didn't you guys pour the Round Up onto the field in such a way that it spelled something out? [/quote] The athletic director, who never liked anyone who wasn't all high and mighty about his school and kissed every coach's ass (and I wasn't - I was a difficult athlete. I always thought I knew better), said we tried to make "demonic patterns" and/or "giant penises" on his field... or so that was the rumor. It may have looked like a giant penis because of the giant oval I made with the little spatters at the end, but it definitely wasn't intentional. I never liked that dude... still don't actually. He was pushing for "felony status". Fucking douchebag. always reminded me of a pervert. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigris Posted May 15, 2011 Report Share Posted May 15, 2011 But why I didn't write something? I don't know? Didn't have much time... didn't think about it. Just wanted to run around and act stupid. I definitely wasn't thinking at the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
|Bunghole| Posted May 15, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 15, 2011 So I'm guessing something like "FUCK YOU, A.D.!" in the center of a pentagram would have really gone over well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigris Posted May 15, 2011 Report Share Posted May 15, 2011 Haha yes. I should have drawn a crucifix with horns coming out the top of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mullichicken25 Posted May 18, 2011 Report Share Posted May 18, 2011 I can't be the only one who was all about setting fires, right? During middle school I used to light anything I could on fire, and if it wouldn't burn wed hit it with engine starter fluid...always did the trick This all came to a screeching haul though when one of my buddies burned down a baseball field Its amazing that none of us ever got hurt Oh, and that kids a fire fighter in nyc now...irony? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sois Posted May 18, 2011 Report Share Posted May 18, 2011 I steal cool therads from other sites and start them here as my own creativity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigris Posted May 19, 2011 Report Share Posted May 19, 2011 [quote name='mullichicken25' timestamp='1305759448' post='993457'] I can't be the only one who was all about setting fires, right? During middle school I used to light anything I could on fire, and if it wouldn't burn wed hit it with engine starter fluid...always did the trick This all came to a screeching haul though when one of my buddies burned down a baseball field Its amazing that none of us ever got hurt Oh, and that kids a fire fighter in nyc now...irony? [/quote] Did he ever get caught (for the field)? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mullichicken25 Posted May 19, 2011 Report Share Posted May 19, 2011 [quote name='Tigris' timestamp='1305763505' post='993467'] Did he ever get caught (for the field)? [/quote] Oh yeah, lot of trouble, that's why we stopped...if he didn't get caught we probably would have kept it up until someone got hurt haha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
|Bunghole| Posted May 19, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 19, 2011 [quote name='sois' timestamp='1305759571' post='993458'] I steal cool therads from other sites and start them here as my own creativity. [/quote] No, I share cool threads from other websites I am a part of (and participated in) on occasion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheBeaverHunter Posted May 20, 2011 Report Share Posted May 20, 2011 I used to not say thank you when someone would hold a door open for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
|Lucid| Posted May 20, 2011 Report Share Posted May 20, 2011 I once stole a kid's lucky rabbits foot in like the 2nd grade because I thought it was cool. I shot a squirrel with a .22 rifle felt terrible about it, and never did it again. I threw a water balloon at a passing motorist and somehow managed to hit him right in the face (he chased us down, and I got the switch for that one). God I was a boring kid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheBeaverHunter Posted May 20, 2011 Report Share Posted May 20, 2011 When I was a junior me and my friends were at the mall. There was this family with a dad, mom, and two little kids. The dad looked like a nerd and the wife was pretty hot. So I ran up to them in the parking lot and punched the dad in the face and dropped him. His wife starts screaming and his kids were crying. I kicked him one time for good measure and spit on him. I then took off running and jumped in my friends car and took off. We still laugh at the guy to this day for balling up in a fetal position in front of his kids in wife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigris Posted May 20, 2011 Report Share Posted May 20, 2011 [quote name='Lucid' timestamp='1305899021' post='993786'] I once stole a kid's lucky rabbits foot in like the 2nd grade because I thought it was cool. I shot a squirrel with a .22 rifle felt terrible about it, and never did it again. I threw a water balloon at a passing motorist and somehow managed to hit him right in the face (he chased us down, and I got the switch for that one). God I was a boring kid. [/quote] That reminds me... we toilet papered and egged all summer/fall my junior year (broke the shoulder, couldn't play ball that year till late in the season). Took a Celtic battle axe to a mailbox. Went back to get it because it got stuck as we drove by, and the guy was walking out to the box... scared the hell out of us. One of my friends launched an egg about 30 yards and nailed a bay window. It was the best shot I've ever seen. The house was off the road a bit and we parked on the other side of the road. I still can't believe he hit it. He destroyed a few things that would be in people's yards too - nothing too major. I also, in that same year, took hundreds of dollars of merchandise from a place I use to work at. I was so nervous that I gave all the stuff to my friends except for a couple small bottles. I figured my mom would question me when I got home about it. I never felt bad for it - the regional manager was a fat bitch. I also did the same thing to another place. I worked at a store, quit and moved for school, but was still friendly with a manager. They were going out of business and I cleaned their clock. I have a $500 painting on the wall of my house. It's a pretty cool feeling. I guess I'm a thief. [quote name='TheBeaverHunter' timestamp='1305900719' post='993789'] When I was a junior me and my friends were at the mall. There was this family with a dad, mom, and two little kids. The dad looked like a nerd and the wife was pretty hot. So I ran up to them in the parking lot and punched the dad in the face and dropped him. His wife starts screaming and his kids were crying. I kicked him one time for good measure and spit on him. I then took off running and jumped in my friends car and took off. We still laugh at the guy to this day for balling up in a fetal position in front of his kids in wife. [/quote] There's no fucking way. You're going to hell for sure if that's true, you fucked up bastard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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